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Bad Gambling Advice: Week 5

I told y’all the winning would end.

March Madness Viewing Party At The Westgate Las Vegas Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Last week: 3-7-1 ATS, 4-6-1 totals; season to date: 21-22-1 ATS, 22-21-1 totals

Yep. I told y’all the bad gambling advice would begin soon. Remember, I do not actually know what I am doing here. On to the picks!

Florida at Kentucky (11:00 AM CT, ESPN): There was a time when you might see Florida getting points at Kentucky (lol, no, you wouldn’t see them getting points) and take it to the bank because Florida had a three-decade winning streak against Kentucky. Now, I do not feel good about either of these teams; I do feel strongly that this game will be low-scoring and ugly.

Score Prediction: Kentucky 21, Florida 17

Picks: Kentucky -1, Under 44.5

Texas A&M vs. Arkansas (11:00 AM CT, SEC Network, in Arlington, TX): Your annual stupid neutral-site game. I cannot believe the teams continue to agree to play this off campus.

Score Prediction: Arkansas 28, Texas A&M 20

Picks: Arkansas +6.5, Under 53.5

Georgia at Auburn (2:30 PM CT, CBS): It might have flown under the radar, but Georgia is 0-4 against the spread this season. Part of that is that they’ve had some big lines to cover; the other part is that, well, their offense has gotten off to some shaky starts. Auburn’s offense sucks, but they can at least play defense. Another game that is likely going to be low-scoring and ugly, and that leans toward taking the team getting 14.5.

Score Prediction: Georgia 24, Auburn 10

Picks: Auburn +14.5, Under 45

Kansas at Texas (2:30 PM CT, ABC): I mean, it would be pretty hilarious if Kansas won this game. It won’t happen, because Texas’s defense is too strong. It would still be funny.

Score Prediction: Texas 42, Kansas 14

Picks: Texas -16, Under 60.5

Missouri at Vanderbilt (3:00 PM CT, SEC Network): Yeah, don’t think I haven’t noticed that Vanderbilt is 0-5 against the spread.

Score Prediction: (see Saturday Predictions, tomorrow)

Picks: Missouri -13.5, Over 54.5

LSU at Ole Miss (5:00 PM CT, ESPN): LSU weirdly had a struggle with Arkansas on Saturday, but I think they’ll probably take care of business at Ole Miss this weekend. Probably.

Score Prediction: LSU 35, Ole Miss 31

Picks: LSU -2.5, Under 67.5

Iowa State at Oklahoma (6:00 PM CT, FS1): Yeah, I’m still trying to get a read on our soon-to-be-new friends from Norman after a 20-6 win over Cincinnati, which couldn’t get anything going on offense. Iowa State... probably won’t, either, but how much offense will the Sooners get? Probably not enough to cover.

Score prediction: Oklahoma 28, Iowa State 10

Picks: Iowa State +20, Under 48

South Carolina at Tennessee (6:30 PM CT, SEC Network): And speaking of still trying to get a read, exactly how good is Tennessee? They’ve looked dominant against bad teams, but they also vomited all over themselves in a trip to Florida. I’m guessing South Carolina will hang around, moreso because of their offense than their defense.

Score Prediction: Tennessee 38, South Carolina 27

Picks: South Carolina +12, Over 63

Alabama at Mississippi State (8:00 PM CT, ESPN): I’m honestly back and forth on the pick against the spread; I think Mississippi State kind of sucks, and Alabama appears to have a good defense (unlike last year.) Alabama doesn’t seem to have much offensive firepower, though.

Score Prediction: Alabama 28, Mississippi State 7

Picks: Alabama -14.5, Under 47