Let’s Counterprotest: All Time All World Song Competition — Sweden

I have mostly stayed out of the All Time All World Song Competition, which to this point has been entirely Andrew and parlagi’s thing. However, a thing happened in the last edition which I cannot allow to stand.

Andrew decided that the only “S” country that was a valid choice was Scotland. Scotland, for one thing, is not a country; this would be like calling Texas a country: sure, it’s bigger than a lot of countries, and it was independent at one point, but until they actually secede (and let’s be clear, Scotland has far more valid reasons to secede than Texas does, since Brexit was literally just the English being morons and dragging Scotland out of the EU with them.)

For another thing, Sweden, the one country from which I can claim an ancestor other than England, produced not only a disturbing amount of the furniture in my house, but also has pumped out some absolute bangers, and it is wrong that the entirety of the letter S is dedicated to Jethro Tull.

Therefore, the COUNTERPROTEST.

1. ABBA - “Fernando”

I know that ABBA was a big, important band before I was born; this, however, is the only ABBA song that I am actually familiar with.

Fun fact: back before MLB players got to pick their own entrance music, the Dodgers used to play this song while Fernando Valenzuela was warming up. I am sure that Valenzuela was confused by Swedish pop music being played every time he warmed up, too.

2. Europe - “The Final Countdown”

Without this counterprotest, Andrew would have had to explain how “The Final Countdown” was not an entrant in the All-Time All-World Song Competition, and I think he’d rather not have to do that.

3. Ace of Base - “All That She Wants”

Now we move into the 1990s, and I’m just going to enter “All That She Wants” and thus sidestep the question of whether Ace of Base’s best-known song, “The Sign,” is actually a neo-Nazi anthem. Look, it wouldn’t be a European country without having an awkward question about whether a popular band are secretly Nazis.

But, I mean, I could see how you might think that.

I saw the sign

And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign

Life is demanding without understanding

I saw the sign

And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign

No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong

But where do you belong?

4. The Cardigans - “My Favourite Game”

Likewise, you were probably expecting “Lovefool,” the song that you heard approximately 5000 times on the radio in 1996-97, but “My Favourite Game” off the Cardigans’ followup album is actually the better song.

Plus, there are no questions about whether The Cardigans are Nazis, so that’s good.

Honorable Mention

Rednex - “Cotton Eye Joe”

That’s right, this band is Swedish. No, it doesn’t make any sense to me, either.