Well, the Oregon Mighty Ducks fought off a tough effort by the Xavier Jesuits and advanced to the winner’s bracket game tomorrow. We need to beat The Sex Panthers tonight to join them.

So yeah, let’s go ahead and do that.

To learn more about EIU, click here.

‘23 Record: 38-19 (13-11 OVC).

Player to Watch: #7 Sr. UTL Ryan “Il Ignoffo” Ignoffo—*listen, I’m not being lazy here... his name sounds like an Italian Superhero whose super power is ignorance—(.336/.435/.603 with 12 2B, 2 3B, 15 HR, 59 RBI, and 29-31 steals). Il Ignoffo is their best power bat, and also their best base running threat. He’s not their only base running threat, of course, as the Sex Panthers love to run. They’ve got another guy, Logan “The Runner” Eickhoff, with 25 steals, and another, named (and I shit you not) Lincoln Riley, has 18.

Anchor of Gold Tiger Beat Hottest Pitcher: #38 Sr. RHP Zane “Tony” Robbins (4-1; 1.38 ERA; 13.8 K/9). He’s not just a pitcher; he has the power of positive thinking.

On the Mound

Friday @ 7:00pm CT on SEC Network

#95 Vanderbilt So. LHP Devin “The Future” Futrell (7-3; 3.55 ERA)

vs. *¯\_(ツ)_/¯, but likely #26 EIU Grad RHP Ky “Down Under Sex Jelly” Matthews-Hampton (7-2; 4.33 ERA)

*Note: The Australian lady parts lube man would be a lock to start tonight, except he pitched two different times during the OVC tournament (5/24 and 5/27). In short, he’s been their ace, but his arm might be as jellified as his name implies. We shall see. No one has been announced yet.

The Lineup

See you in the comments.