Though six of the eight spots in Omaha have been claimed, tonight, there are four teams battling for the last two slots. We hate all of them. Four hated schools enter; two hated schools leave.

First Up

The Southern Mississippi Griftin’ Favres vs. The Knoxville Buttchuggers - 5pm CT ESPN2/ESPN+

Who to root for: Southern Miss (duh). Though The Griftin’ Favres are not remotely good people, they are playing the mullet-luging, fur coat wearing, illegal bat-swinging, Franzia-funneling, ball and strike complaining, Wig-sphere adjacent, dark web hitman hiring, purveyors of Tony “The Calf” Vitello’s particular brad of jackassery. There are other reasons to hate them, as well, but I got tired of typing.

...and then...

The Tejas Longfedoras vs. The Leland Stansbury Junior College Fightin’ UCL Tearers - 7pm CT ESPN/ESPN+

Who to root for: Tejas. Even though we will surely hate them when they join up with the other three Big XII teams who have invaded and/or will invaded the SEC, at least we won’t have to worry about the announcers talking about their athletes having to take a Physics test during the 7th inning stretch. Also, Stansbury’s head coach just straight up murdered any chance of his “heroic” star pitcher ever having a professional career, allowing Quinn Matthews to throw 156 pitches when up 5 in the 9th inning, after having thrown a combined 180 pitches on 6/2 and 6/5. I mean... Jebus. That arm’s going to be as jellified as Kevin Kopps’. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past HC David Esquer to bring Matthews in today in relief.

Side note: Technically, Esquer isn’t even their head coach. His full title is “Clarke and Elizabeth Nelson Director of Baseball.“ I hate this school so much.

See you in the comments.