Question from steven1616:

How good are our true chances of winning the CWS? I think it’s definitely possible, but just how possible/likely is it?

I’d put it at slightly better than a 1:8 chance, as I see us with a clear path to a National Seed, and baseball is such a high variance sport, both Mississippi schools can win the title and then never be relevant again immediately afterwards.

*Seriously, I’m in amazement over what has happened to both Clanga and Ole Piss and can only conclude somewhere in Mississippi, a cursed monkeys paw has two of its fingers down. Heck, maybe it’s all five, as that state is a hell-hole, and Brett Favre did get a free volleyball gym for his daughter at the expense of impoverished people starving.

Back to the question. I’d say we’re clearly one of the top 5 teams this year, and likely top 3. I don’t really see a whole lot separating the top handful of teams, either, as the ones with the most talent (say, LSU) also have the most glaringly obvious Achilles heels (say LSU’s pitching past its first two starters, and especially that bullpen). As you just saw, a team like the South Cackalacky Game Penises could get their lineup hot and basically be the 2022 Philadelphia Phillies Beer League Softball Team (well... if their top two starters got better, but otherwise, the analogy stands), or their spotty pitching and terrible defense could make them go Two and Que come tourney time.

Finally, I’d put us in the top two when it comes to complete teams (i.e. teams with no obvious weaknesses) with The Jorts as the other one. I know, I don’t like typing it either.

Still, this is a sport that has had 4 seeds win the National Championship. Not too long ago, either. Fresno State did it in 2008, which was paradoxically both 15 years ago and happened yesterday. Don’t make me explain how time works when you’re no longer in your 20s.

In short, as long as all three of Holton, Owen, and Futrell are healthy and throwing their A games in the postseason, you’ve got to like our chances.

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Question from ask_thedoctor:

The easy part of the schedule is over—good thing we made it out with only one conference loss. Almost every team we face from here on out is ranked. Can you rank which of our upcoming series worry you the most and why?

Seeing as this question was asked before the South Cackalacky Game Penis series victory, I’ll include them in my rankings (1 being the toughest and 6 being the weakest), but also include the updated records:

1. The Gainsville Jorts. 30-7 (11-4 SEC).
2. The Arky Woo Pig Sooies. 29-7 (11-4 SEC).
3. The South Cackalacky Game Penises. 30-6 (10-4 SEC).
4. The Jamal Mashburn Wedding Jerseys. 28-7 (10-5 SEC).
5. The Knoville Buttchuggers. 23-13 (5-10 SEC).
6. The Ramajama Gumps. 26-11 (6-9 SEC).

Note that my rankings of this group coming into the season would look different, as I’d still have the Jorts and Arky at the top, but they would be in a triumvirate with the Chuggers. The next tier would have been the Gumps and Game Penises, and the Mashburn Wedding Jerseys would be the clear lowest. This deep into the season, and halfway through conference play, this is how things have shaken out. As for why I put the Chuggers over the Gumps, well, the Chuggers, like LSU, have played a pretty difficult conference schedule so far (well, as difficult as it can be without playing the Diamond Dores), and still have sets against Clanga and Ugga to bolster their record after they play us this weekend. Perhaps the most interesting non-Vanderbilt series’ to pay attention to at the end of the season will be The Chuggers last two matchups against The Penises and Mashburn Wedding Jerseys. Depending on how things go, that could be one last postseason push for the mullet-luging, Daddy-Hat wearing, Franzia-funneling school to the East, or it could be their death knell. Like Macbeth, Tony “The Calf” Vitello will hear the bell “That summons thee to heaven or to hell.”

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Question from Nova_Dore:

Create your all-time VandyBoys team comprising 5 outfielders, 6 infielders, two catchers, and 5 pitchers. Which of the current players are on it? Which of the current players do you expect will join it by the end of their Vandy career?

In fact, there is one current Diamond Dore who has already made the list, and would have if I had to fill out my all-time Vanderbilt Baseball lineup. Beyond that, seeing as you specifically said “VandyBoys” and that is a Tim Corbin era term (for the baseball team, I mean; women have been calling Vanderbilt men that since... I don’t know... the 1800s, at least), I will limit this to the Corbs era (2003-present). Off the top of my head, let’s go with...

Outfield

Bryan Reynolds, Enrique Bradfield, Tony Kemp, JJ Bleday, and Dominic de la Osa.

Infield

Dansby Swanson, Pedro Alvarez, Austin Martin, Anthony Gomez, Aaron Westlake, and Connor Kaiser (have to put one all-glove guy on this list). If I didn’t already include Kemp in the outfielders, I would have put him here, too.

Catchers

CJ Rodriguez and Jason Delay.

(This one was the easiest.)

Pitchers

David Price, Jack Leiter, Kumar Rocker, Sonny Gray, and Carson Fulmer.

(This one was, by far, the hardest.)

*Bonus Category: Two Relief Pitchers

Tyler Brown and Casey Weathers.

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Question from Nova_Dore:

You have a must-win game. Do you go with Bulger at C and Maldonado at DH or Espinal at C and Bulger at DH?

Neither. Bulger at C and Lil Maldo at DH (as Lil Maldo has proven he needs to be in the lineup every day regardless of what we do at other positions). I would move The Bulge down to, say, 6th or 7th in the lineup, but other than that, I’ve been pretty happy with him. That said, I’d be pretty happy with Espy batting 8th, too. It’s good to have depth.

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Question from Parlagi (with hat tip to shoogy):

Since you told shoogy to ask again: What brand of screaming pillow do you recommend?

Also, would you say it’s time for Mississippi State fans to crack Chris Lemonis’ head open, and feast on the goo inside?

I cannot speak more highly of the Sealy Cool Touch pillow, as it absorbs both the torment and the heat of one’s breath whilst screaming out one’s frustrations when watching Vanderbilt athletics. You do not want a pillow that gets progressively hotter the more hot breath-laced vitriol and agony is screamed into it, and the Sealy Cool Touch is the gold standard here. Still, buy in bulk now, as the price only rises once Football season is on the horizon. I recommend a gross.

As for the subhumans in Clanga-ville: Why waste perfectly good Lemonis Head-Goo when you have so many pigs to slop? Further, if you grass-feed him and let him free-range for a bit, the livestock will appreciate the difference.

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Question from shoogymgshoogs:

Why doesn’t the SEC have a better makeup policy for Thurs-Sat series?

This woman is in charge of all things makeup in the SEC:

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Question from Your Uncle Mike:

As I hate yard work with almost the passion of hating THEM and the South Cakalacky Game Penises, I was noticing the outfield at Missourah (spits) and how much it resembles my back yard with the brown spots and dirt. If you have a turf infield, why not go all the way and complete the entire field?

Also, thinking about replacing my grass and planting clover. Any tips?

My readers, ladies and gentlemen.

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