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In the Time of Chimpanzees, He Was a Monkey: A Career Retrospective of New Vanderbilt OC Tim Beck

Sprechen Sie deutsch, baby?

BECK AT THE TROUBADOUR “I’m a goldfish, baby, so why don’t you kill me...” in West Hollywood on April 19, 1994. (Photo: Lindsay Brice/Getty Images

So shave your face with some mace in the dark, Clark Lea just hired Tim Beck to be our new OC. Not the Tim Beck who’s the current head coach of the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers. No, it’s the Tim Beck who spent most of his career at Pittsburg State... in Kansas.

Kill the headlights and put it in neutral, Tim Beck’s career has looked like this:

1987 Pittsburg State (SA)

1988 Pittsburg State (GA)

1989–1991 Pittsburg State (assistant)

1992–1993 Pittsburg State (DC)

1994–2009 Pittsburg State (OC)

2010–2019 Pittsburg State

2021 TCU (off. analyst)

2022–2023 New Mexico State (OC/QB)

2023-present Vanderbilt (OC)

Someone came in sayin’ I’m insane to complain About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt, but is this really the best Clark Lea could get? A D-II lifer who, I will admit, won a D-II title in 2011, and rode that success to being the OC for New Mexico State (who suck)?

Apparently, the answer was yes.

In fairness, New Mexico State has been coached by legend Jerry “Fuck, Marry” Kill for the past two years, so the fact that the former Golden Gopher with health issues entrusted his offense to Beck is a feather in The Perdedor’s hat.

With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose-job, at least this isn’t Karl Dorrell, I guess.

And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite... that’s choking on the splinter.

*Oh, and to drop the bit for a second, this might actually be a good hire: