Feel free to click on the first Global Song Competition post in which we determined “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” was Australia’s best ever contribution to music to learn the rules of this game. In short, we didn’t want to talk about the aftermath of the last regular season baseball series, so I started a distraction contest to...

...determine the greatest song of all time, based on my limited knowledge of music and other countries.

First, we’ll go with the smattering of countries I can accurately point to on a globe and spell correctly—sorry, Kyrgustan (nope: it was Kyrgyzstan)—and then, we’ll go state by state in the good ol’ US of A.

*Note: Feel free to disagree with my choices violently, and suggest better songs in the comments. I will not listen to you, nor will it affect the outcome of this ridiculous distraction contest, but I want you all to feel both seen and heard, even though I don’t know what most of you look like, nor sound like, but I want you all to feel effectively placated.

Today, we travel to the land of the satirist Jonathan Swift, the drunken nonsense peddler James Joyce, the mythological legendary badass Finn McCool, and all those Norwegian shit-heels who must have raped my great great great great grandmother so as to bring me into existence (please, don’t get on me about this without researching the origins of the name Finnegan, which was my paternal grandmother’s maiden name). Drink your Guinness, Bushmills, Jameson, Writer’s Tears, and, you know, everything, and belly up to the bar to listen to some fecking good tunes.

The Songs

1) U2 “Sunday Bloody Sunday.”

On January 30th, 1972, approximately 10 years before my birth, British soldiers shot 26 unarmed protesters in Derry, Northern Ireland. My American ancestors were gone by then, but, you know, fuck the British. This song is about that, basically. Oh, and it’s a banger.

2) The Pogues “If I Should Fall From Grace With God.”

These ugly fuckers sure can folk up some music. I hate to tell them that the existence of an all knowing, all powerful, all benevolent God breaks with all evidence of human existence and logic, so I won’t say anything. They’re just so damned cute, anyway.

3) The Cranberries “Zombie.”

Speaking of the clear nonexistence of a benevolent maker, the lead singer of the Cranberries died of horrible brain cancer. “It’s in your head,” indeed.

Oh, and if you’re angered by my dark satire here, send your letters to Jonathan Swift, who was also Irish. Or, you know, feck off.

Nothing is more fun that telling people off in the Irish immigrant dialect of my grandmother who was from Dublin. “You horrid kids can all feck off!” is burned into my brain, and I love her all the same.

4) Bondo “Fuck You, I’m Drunk.”

Okay, these fuckers are from Chicago, and not Ireland, but... come on. Ireland will 100% adopt this song as its own.

Vote in the Poll (click on the tweet to vote on it, you crumb bums)

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