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Let’s Get Weird—All World All Time Best Song Competition: Finland

The Viking isthmus produces death metal at the rate Clay Travis produces aggressively wrong takes.

Dethklok From Metalocalypse And Machine Head In Concert - Los Angeles, CA
Dethklok Dethklok Dethklok Dethklok.
Photo by Paul Archuleta/FilmMagic

Feel free to click on the first Global Song Competition post in which we determined “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” was Australia’s best ever contribution to music to learn the rules of this game. In short, we didn’t want to talk about the aftermath of the last regular season baseball series, so I started a distraction contest to...

...determine the greatest song of all time, based on my limited knowledge of music and other countries.

First, we’ll go with the smattering of countries I can accurately point to on a globe and spell correctly—sorry, Kyrgustan (nope: it was Kyrgyzstan)—and then, we’ll go state by state in the good ol’ US of A.

*Note: Feel free to disagree with my choices violently, and suggest better songs in the comments. I will not listen to you, nor will it affect the outcome of this ridiculous distraction contest, but I want you all to feel both seen and heard, even though I don’t know what most of you look like, nor sound like, but I want you all to feel effectively placated.

Today, we travel to the isthmus of Death Metal: Finland.

As the band Dethklok would say, “Finland is... BRUTAL!!!”

The Songs

1) Amorphis “Privilege of Evil.”

Amorphis, along with Abhorrence and Sentenced, are one of the Godfather bands of 90s Finnish death metal. Formed in 1990, they like to growl-yell horror sounds in your face. Well, they may not like it, actually. I suspect no one in Finland likes anything but their public school system, based exclusively on their BRUTAL music scene.

That and herring.

2) Convulse “The Rite of Sunshine.”

Thie 1994 song is about as happy as you will ever find a Finnish song. They get sunshine for about a day and a half per year. This is that day and a half.

3) Demilich “Emptiness of Vanishing.”

Try to tell me they’re not summoning a lake troll from Norse days of yore with this song. I submit that you cannot.

This is, without a doubt, my favorite Finnish thrash metal/death metal song, even though I am all but certain it stole my soul and replaced it with one of Loki’s minions.

BRUTAL.

Note: If you like this (and I cannot assume you do), feel free to submit yourself to the torment that is the full album: “20th Adversary of Emptiness.”

Again, BRUTAL.

4) Hevisaurus “Räyh!”

Oh, and in case you wondered what passes for children’s music in Finland, I submit Hevisaurus. It’s as if Barney, umm... went to Finland.

Vote in the Poll (click on the tweet to vote on it, you crumb bums)

Honorable Mention

No one.

BRUTAL!!!

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