Tuesday @ 4:30pm CT (I mean, these things pretty much never start exactly on the time they are scheduled, so I’ll keep you updated) on SEC Network

#20 Vanderbilt Fr. LHP Carter “Rev. Holton Heat” Holton (7-3; 3.42 ERA)

vs. #44 Ole Piss Jr. RHP Dylan “Double D” Delucia (5-1, 4.60 ERA)

Record: 32-21 (14-16 SEC). Ole Piss battled back from some early conference play woes to put themselves in contention for an NCAA Tournament Bid. Like Vanderbilt, there’s a lot of talent on this team, but they are likely to be a #2 or #3 seed in the tourney. We feel each other’s pain, in other words, and are glad not to be Clanga.

Player to Watch: #25 Sr. 1B Tim “The Elk With No Knee Ligaments” Elko (.290/.400/.617 with 6 2B, 0 3B, 19 HR, 63 RBI, and 2-2 steals, which... how?). I know Elko’s numbers may not seem “Player to Watch-worthy”—except for the dingers—but this man went full Kirk Gibson in the postseason last year, and I’m not certain his coach won’t shred his knee again just to get that good Gibson juju in 2022. Elko’s Ole Piss’s Beowulf, and even if he’s late in life Beowulf unwisely going after the dragon, he’s still Beowulf. Well, Elk-o-Man. I want no part of his human-elk hybrid lack of ligament power. If he’s up late in the game and a HR can tie or win if for Ole Piss, just walk him.

Anchor of Gold Tiger Beat Hottest Pitcher: #37 Sr. RHP Brandon “El BJ” Johnson (1-3, 4.48 ERA, 9 saves). You may be thinking, sure El BJ is their closer, but those numbers don’t exactly stand out. How ‘bout these numbers: 14.59 K/9. The only Vanderbilt pitcher with numbers like that has been the criminally underused Prancetown Grad Transfer Jack Anderson (16.2 K/9), who is currently questionable for Hoover. For better context, flamethrower (and occasional control-problem-haver) Patrick Reilly has a 12.32 K/9.

Maybe stop questioning me, made up reader who resides in my head.

The Lineup

1 cf 51 Enrique Bradfield Jr L 0-0 .322

2 lf 21 Calvin Hewett R 0-0 .393

3 rf 34 Spencer Jones L 0-0 .379

4 1b 12 Dominic Keegan R 0-0 .366

5 dh 25 Parker Noland L 0-0 .254

6 c 16 Jack Bulger R 0-0 .274

7 2b 6 Tate Kolwyck R 0-0 .271

8 ss 9 Carter Young B 0-0 .208

9 3b 11 Davis Diaz R 0-0 .222

See you in the comments.