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[Updated] Week 8 Series Preview: at The Auburn University War Tigers

He doesn’t care for Au-u-bu-urn.

The Big Capicola doing the Truffle Shuffle. If is not humanly possible to root against him, and yet I will try my damnedest.
Photo by Michael Wade/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images


Week Eight (4/8-4/10): at The Auburn University War Tigers

Friday @ 6:00pm CT on SECN+

Saturday @ 4:00pm CT on SECN+

Sunday @ 1:00pm CT on SECN+

Record: 20-9 (5-4 SEC). The War Tigers have the look of an NCAA Tournament team—okay, an NCAA Tournament team from the 80s and 90s filled with John Kruk and Kent Hrbek types, but a tourney team nonetheless. They have some impressive wins, namely a 2-1 victory over Texas Tech in a tournament in Arlington, TX; taking 2 of 3 from aTm at aTm; and 2 of 3 from The Gumbo Bengals in Baton Rouge.

On the flip side, they’ve lost twice to Empty-S-U and once to Yale... so they’re eminently beatable by both mid-state Tennessee teams and athletes at elite institutions. Advantage Diamond Dores.

Player to Watch: #17 Sr. 1B Sonny “The Thicc King” DiChiara (.457/.607/.901 with 12 2B, 8 HR, 26 RBI and 0-0 Steals because duh). I, for one, find the 6’1” 263lb (and growing) Samford transfer Big Sonny of the Clear tough to root against, as I came of age in the era of fat baseball players. Bowlers should sweat while they breathe, groan while they attempt to stand up when seated, and sweat pure hot wing sauce and beer from their pits and under-boobs. Golfers should smoke between strokes, wear silly pants, and have names ending in “III.” Baseball power hitters should be fat guys who house hot dogs and beer between innings. These were the rules, and it pains me to see them violated with impunity nowadays. I mean, I’m even using his preferred nickname here. Not something ridiculous, like “The Big Capicola” or “The Jiggly Piggly.” Oh fuck it, if he were the Jiggly Piggly, we’d just like him all the more. Just walk him and pitch to their hitters who weren’t cast in The Many Saints of Newark this weekend.

Oh, and his walkup song?

It pains me that Corbs didn’t go after him this past offseason. He probably doesn’t brush his teeth the right way.

Okay, now I hate him.

Anchor of Gold Tiger Beat Hottest Pitcher: No one’s really dominant, so I’ll go with #21 War Tigers Jr. RHP Trace “The Auburn Oxymoron” Bright (2-2, 2.70 ERA), as he’s holding opponents to a .203 batting average. He’s also their only starter not to also have appeared out of the pen this season. He’s fine. No War Tiger starting pitcher would crack either of the Vanderbilt or Chugger rotations, but they all seem like perfectly capable SEC starters. If our bats are as feeble as they were last week, that’s a real problem.

Confidence Level: Meh. Ask again later. I don’t yet know which Vandy team will show up this weekend. If it’s the one we saw on Tuesday, my confidence is high. If it’s the one we saw last weekend, I will burn with the fury of a thousand suns. Keep Silent Cal in the lineup, Corbs!

On the Mound (probably)

Friday @ 6:00pm CT on SECN+

#35 Vanderbilt Jr. RHP Chris “McBain” McElvain (4-1; 3.16 ERA)

vs. #20 War Tigers Jr. LHP Hayden “Deep Southpaw” Mullins (2-1, 3.72 ERA)

Saturday @ 4:00pm CT on SECN+

#20 Vanderbilt Fr. LHP Carter “Rev. Holton Heat” Holton (4-2; 3.89 ERA)

vs. #21 War Tigers Jr. RHP Trace “The Auburn Oxymoron” Bright (2-2, 2.70 ERA)

Sunday @ 1:00pm CT on SECN+

#88 Vanderbilt So. RHP Patrick “Life of” Reilly (2-1, 1.21 ERA)

vs. #45 War Tigers So. RHP Joseph “The Humacao Kid” Gonzalez (3-0, 2.31 ERA)

The Lineup

1 cf 51 Enrique Bradfield Jr L .324

2 3b 11 Davis Diaz R .310

3 rf 34 Spencer Jones L .351

4 c 12 Dominic Keegan R .424

5 dh 16 Jack Bulger R .233

6 lf 21 Calvin Hewett R .550

7 ss 9 Carter Young B .275

8 2b 3 Rob Gordon R .333

9 1b 25 Parker Noland L .236

In conclusion:

See you in the comments.