What do I know about the Wagner baseball team? Nothing. What do I know about Wagner University? Nothing until their conference basketball tournament game against Bryant on Tuesday turned into Malice at the Palace II: The College Years.

Hopefully, like me, your Spring Break (woo) just began, so you can catch today’s afternoon delight baseball doubleheader AND the shooty hoops upset bid (please and thank you) against the Big Blue Balls. *Note: The baseball series times moved because apparently, Nashville will be the ice planet Hoth on Saturday.

Week Four (3/11-3/13): vs. The Wagner University Fightin’ Fans in the Stands

Friday @ 12:00pm CT on SECN+

Friday @ 3:45pm CT on SECN+

Saturday @ 1:00pm CT on SECN+

2021 Record: 11-25 (8-22 NEC).

2022: Record: 1-9 (with no brawls in the stands... yet). They opened 2022 being swept by Chad “Hal” Holbrook and his College of Charleston squad of Mark Twain impersonators. That’s understandable, as it’s difficult to concentrate on baseball when hearing yarns about jumping frogs of Calaveras county. Then they took one of three from the East Tennessee State Landlocked Pirates, got swept by the USC out west, and were just pummeled this Tuesday by Rutgers 18-1. Do I need to contextualize their struggles on the diamond any more? Because it feels like piling on at this point and I’m just listing the facts of their 1-9 record thus far.

Player to Watch: No one, really, but if I had to give you one (and this format indicates I do), I’ll go with #10 Jr. OF Maimu “The Hot Dog King” Kobayashi (.276/.400/.414). Mike “The Rug” Ruggiero and Dante “The Inferno” Faicchio are probably their two best hitters, but this is a team without even one player batting at .300 or above, so I’mma go with the one who can house the most hot dogs.

Anchor of Gold Tiger Beat Hottest Pitcher: Like their hitters, Wagner’s pitchers have not had a lot of success this year (being outscored 113-33 will do that to a team). They have only two pitchers with a sub-5.00 ERA, so I’ll go with one of those. #39 Fr. RHP Daniel “The Chancellor of Deutschland” Merkel (0-1, 2.77 ERA).

Confidence Level: High. Come on.

On the Mound

Friday @ 12:00pm CT on SECN+

#35 Vanderbilt Jr. RHP Chris “McBain” McElvain (2-0; 1.15 ERA)

vs. #9 Wagner Fr. RHP Frankie “Lloyd” Wright (0-3, 16.39 ERA)

Friday @ 3:45pm CT on SECN+

#20 Vanderbilt Fr. LHP Carter “Southpaw Sonny Gray” Holton (2-0; 3.71 ERA)

vs. Wagner RHP/LHP ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sunday @ 1:00pm CT on SECN+

#Vanderbilt RHP/LHP ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

vs. Wagner RHP/LHP ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I know you like when I guess who the opposing starters will be before anything has been announced, but trust me, it’s just not possible to even guess with Wagner. They have started three different pitchers (RS Jr. RHP Josh “House-Do” Casado, Jr. RHP Eric “Alison” Crouse, and Fr. RHP Frankie “Lloyd” Wright) on Fridays thus far this season (there have only been three Fridays this season, FYI), so I give up. I’ll just say this: expect to see #39 Fr. RHP Daniel “The Chancellor of Deutschland” Merkel (0-1, 2.77 ERA) start one of them and #9 Fr. RHP Frankie “Lloyd” Wright (0-3, 16.39 ERA) start another this weekend, as they have started each weekend thus far. No other Wagnerian pitcher has more than one start on the season.

As for why I’m leaving the Diamond Dores Sunday starter open... well, in Corbs’ most press conference, he named McBain and Holton for the Friday double header, and then did not name the Sunday guy. We’ve had a lot of talk around here about either Patrick Reilly (1-0, 0.75 ERA) or Devin Futrell (3-0, 0.00 ERA)—who I would go with—already proving themselves to be better suited for a starter role than Maldo (1-1, 1.50 ERA) has been. Though Maldo’s numbers look great on paper (well, the earned runs do, as he’s given up 5 runs, but only credited with 2, even though at least one of them was due to his own throwing error), he has not been able to get past the 4th inning in three starts. Even Christian Little (0-0, 1.50 ERA) is better suited to start (though it’s perhaps wise to put him in the midweek role this year). I figured this weekend would be the time when Corbs made the move and shifted Maldo back to the pen (where he’s an All-American Closer), or at the very least, the weekend he gave Maldo his last shot at starting (and made it known it was a last audition), as we begin SEC play with a Big XII team next week against Missourah (spits).

I’ll let you know when I know.

The Lineup (Game One)

1 cf 51 Enrique Bradfield Jr L .262

2 3b 11 Davis Diaz R .500

3 rf 34 Spencer Jones L .302

4 c 12 Dominic Keegan R .415

5 lf 2 Javier Vaz L .400

6 dh 16 Jack Bulger R .286

7 ss 9 Carter Young B .220

8 2b 6 Tate Kolwyck R .267

9 1b 25 Parker Noland L .194

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On the Mound (Game Two)

Friday @ 3:45pm CT on SECN+

Vanderbilt #20 Fr. LHP Carter “Southpaw Sonny Gray” Holton (2-0; 3.71 ERA)

vs. Wagner #39 Fr. RHP Daniel “The Chancellor of Deutschland” Merkel (0-1, 2.77 ERA)

The Lineup (Game Two)

1 cf 51 Enrique Bradfield Jr L .255

2 3b 11 Davis Diaz R .483

3 rf 34 Spencer Jones L .340

4 dh 12 Dominic Keegan R .413

5 1b 39 Gavin Casas L .286

6 c 16 Jack Bulger R .277

7 ss 9 Carter Young B .239

8 2b 6 Tate Kolwyck R .312

9 lf 19 Troy LaNeve L .125

See you in the comments.