Abhorrent. Disgusting. Pathetic. All of those describe Week 5 for the Staff Pick’em. The staff total was 15-33 to bring us down to 185-205 on the season. The battle for the weekly crown was a three-way split between CDA, VandyImport, and the Commentariat at 4-4. Yes, 0.500 (which still loses money) was the best anyone could muster. VU ‘04, Cole, and I tripped, slipped, and tumbled to 2-6 records. Tom pulled of a miraculous 1-7. I am honestly impressed at how awful we were. It is almost like Vegas knows how to trick you into thinking one thing should happen just to part you from your money. And college football is as erratic as a squirrel on cocaine.

LSU only sneaking by Auburn and Georgia not curb stomping Missouri made all of us wrong on those unanimously picked games. Only Andrew thought Mississippi State would keep it within 3.5 points of aTm, much less run away with a dominant win. TCU’s upset over 6.5-point favorite Oklahoma was only a winner for Import and the unwashed masses. Texas leaving WVU far in the rearview mirror was also a winner for one staffer (CDA this time) and the brain trust of site users. So, yeah, Murphy’s Law was in full effect. Only Kentucky’s close loss in Oxford, Alabama running away late at Arkansas, and OK State controlling Baylor benefited the staff record with each game picked 4-2 the right way. The Commentariat also nailed all 3 of those contests.

This week presents 7 SEC-SEC matchups along with the Red River Shootout. The dealer’s choice is the totally predictable battle of unbeatens when TCU goes to Lawrence, Kansas. The only game earning our full vote of confidence (just like coaches, not normally a good thing apparently) is Kentucky to beat the Game Penises by more than 10.5. Only Cole expects Texas A&M to stay within 24 of Alabama. The rest of the games are split 4-2, so we have no even splits. Import did refuse to pick Texas-Oklahoma since he thinks it is unimportant, so I decided to guess at what might spice the game up enough for him to flip over.

Surely we will be less awful than last week. Right?

The Rules

1. Normally, the picks are for all SEC games with one dealer’s choice where I get to choose another game to make us pick. With two new teams set to join in “2025” (Who wants to bet that timeline holds up?), Texas and Oklahoma will have all of their games picked, too.
2. The picks will be made AGAINST THE SPREAD. Too many games are easy to pick heads up. Also, this will serve as a PSA for why you should not get into sports gambling, which is especially important with sports gambling being legal in Tennessee now.
3. The lines will be taken from Oddshark’s consensus spread some time Monday, so they may not match what is listed at the time this article is published.

The Standings

The Picks

GAME	Patrick	Cole	Tom	VU04	CDA	Import
Ole Miss (-18.5) @ Vanderbilt
Auburn (+29.5) @ Georgia
Tennessee (-2.5) @ LSU
Arkansas (+8) @ Mississippi State
Missouri (+11) @ Florida
South Carolina (+10.5) @ Kentucky
Texas A&M (+24) @ Alabama
Texas (-7) @ Oklahoma
TCU (-7) @ Kansas