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Game 16: French’s Yellow Mustard Chuggers vs. Commodores

hate hate hate hate hate

Syndication: The Knoxville News-Sentinel Calvin Mattheis/News Sentinel / USA TODAY NETWORK

After salvaging our season with a road win against Ugga—which, let’s be honest, we’re all nervous because it was that close— the Vanderbilt Shootydores (10-6; 2-2 SEC) are contractually obligated to open the doors of Memorial Gym to the Vocokyteps French’s Yellow Mustard Chuggers (11-5; 2-3 SEC), though they are decidedly not welcome here.

Though the school to the East has been handled by the top teams in the conference, they did beat the hell out of the same South Cackalacky Game Penis team we lost to 72-70 10 days back. In other words, I wish I was more confident for this one, but here we are.

Regardless, those mullet-luge drinking, butt-chugging, mustard-throwing, bacon and donut ennui-ing, Vocockyteps OO!-ing, Greg Schiano torch and pitchforking, Wigsphere having, Fulmer Cup winning crumb bums will serve as a good weathervane for SPJ and the boys. Beat them, and we’re back to viewing this team like we did after the Arky win; lose and... well, just don’t lose.

Jordan Wright will have to play like he did against Ugga, SPJ needs not to have another invisible first half, and QMB needs to batter THEM down low with his man bun.

Let’s do this, ladies!

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.