Week Nine (4/16-4/18): at THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED

Yes, we have to travel to the Sunsphere. Yes, they are somehow also a top five team. Just buy a wig, grab your rocks, and try to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

2021 Record: 28-6 (9-3 SEC). Sorry, I had to go to their athletics website to write this section, and had to pause repeatedly to vomit.

Looking more closely at their 2021 schedule... oh God (runs to the bathroom to vomit some more). Deletes tab. Sorry... I just cannot look at that much orange any longer.

Player to Watch: Not LHP Garrett Crochet (1st round, White Sox), OF Alerick Soularie (2nd round, Twins), nor OF Zach “Charlie” Daniels (4th round, Astros). Thank Jebus all of them are no longer on the roster.

Of their 2021 roster, I’d keep an eye on Central Arizona Juco transfer Sr. DH and Leadoff Man Liam “Geelong Dead” Spence (.405/.538/.568 with 8 2B 2 3B 2 HR 21 RBI and 5-6 swiped bags).

He is the straw that stirs the drink of their offense, so keep him off the base paths as much as is humanly possible. Of course, that drink is Franzia, and they imbibe it with their butts.

Confidence Level: Medium.

On the Mound

Friday 6pm CT on ESPNU

Vanderbilt #80 Jr. RHP Kumar “White Castle” Rocker (7-1, 1.88 ERA)

vs. THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED #26 Jr. RHP Chad “Both First Name and Surname are Terrible Things” Dallas (5-0, 4.20 ERA)

Saturday 3:00pm CT on SEC Network

Vanderbilt #22 RHP Jack “Leits Out” Leiter (7-0, 0.55 ERA)

vs. THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED #11 Sr. LHP Will “Degree in Supply Chain Management” Hefflin (2-1, 1.38 ERA)

Sunday 12:00pm CT on SECN+

Vanderbilt #88 Fr. RHP Patrick “Life of” Reilly (3-1, 3.18)

vs. THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED #29 Fr. RHP Blade “Daywalker” Tidwell (4-1, 1.32 ERA)