On Move-in Day my freshman year at Vanderbilt—way back when the year 2000 seemed like we were living in the future—I have two distinct memories. One is of then Chancellor E. Gordon Gee handing out his signature bow tie cookies to everyone, but the second is more memorable.
Upon moving into Hemingway Hall (RIP), the guy who lived one on side of me was quite noticeably a buttoned up church youth group type—with religious iconography and Christian Rock posters adorning his walls, and a pastel polo tucked into his Dockers. Beyond that, his parents were there to help him move in, and they looked exactly like he did, but aged 30 some odd years. Like Central Casting put out a call for insurance brokers from Omaha, Nebraska whose highlight of every year is wining the church raffle (and then donating their winnings back to the church), and cast the two people responsible for Tipper Gore’s push to get Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics warnings on CDs. In contrast, the guy to the other side of me had his walls adorned with posters of rap groups, had already moved everything into his room, and had just set up his stereo.
The Omaha devotees of Christian Rock walked over at the sound of the rap music and attempted to dance to it in what can only be described as the “out of touch white middle aged couple in a Tyler Perry movie trying to fit in with their new neighbors” trope. They even briefly tried to beat box, if memory serves. That alone would have been mildly amusing. What burned it into my brain was the first song the aforementioned hall mate chose to play on his stereo: “Ass and Titties” by Three 6 Mafia. Never have I seen a better, “Well I never!” face than what I saw on those Omaha insurance brokers, as they quickly, but respectfully, danced their khakis and pastels back into their son’s dorm room and closed the door.
My love affair with the city of Memphis began on that day.
This afternoon, we welcome our neighbors to the west to Hawkins Field at 4:30pm CT (SECN+). The Diamond Dores hope to stay fly-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i/Till [they] die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie, but must account for Memphis’s hustle and flow if they want to make it hard out there for a pimp.
Ever since I can remember, Memphis Head Coach Daron Schoenrock has been poppin’ his collar as the coach of the Tigers (seriously, he’s been their head coach since 2005), even though his overall record of 419-465 is more befitting of a Bwok bwok, chicken, chicken/ Bwok bwok chicken head.
*Note: Yes, I know many more Three 6 Mafia lyrics, but I will stop now to sip on some sizzurp and provide you with an actual preview of their team.
2021 Record: 4-5. The Three 6 Mafias are under .500, but all of their losses have come to a pretty good Ole Miss Admiral Ackbar team (a 16-4 midweek stomping) and a not too shabby Baylor Bears squad (swept in a 4 game series). Their four wins have come on a 3-1 win over the David Lipscomb Fightin’ Incorrect Pluralizers, and a three game sweep of Grambling, in which they plated 11, 11, and 17 runs, respectively. We should be highly favored over them, but they’re not a team easily Beatem to Da Floor (*Note: My earlier promise to stop with the Three 6 Mafia song lyric puns was perhaps myopic).
Player to Watch: #35 So. C Hunter “Young” Goodman “Brown” (.375/.512/.813). Young Goodman Brown has a bat that is a walking stick shaped as a curved serpent so lifelike, you can swear it moves. On the year, he has swatted 4 dingers and 2 doubles in just 9 games, so don’t throw him anything fat. Yes, I can stop on a dime and throw a Nathaniel Hawthorne reference into a post riddled with Three 6 Mafia lyrics. Hawthorne never won a prestigious award for his writing like the Three 6 did for their music, but there were very few awards given out for literature in the 19th century, and none I can recall in America. I think we can give the author of The Scarlet Letter a pass on this one.
Confidence Level: High.
*Will update when lineups and pitching matchups are released.