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Week Five Series Preview: vs. The South Cackalacky Game Penises

SEC play starts tonight.

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COLLEGE BASKETBALL: MAR 08 SEC Women’s Tournament - Mississippi State vs South Carolina
Mascot for the Lady Penises.
Photo by John Byrum/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Week Five (3/19-3/21): vs. The South Cackalacky Game Penises

Friday @ 6:30pm CT on SECN+

Saturday @ 11:00am CT on SEC Network

Sunday @ 1:00pm CT on SECN+

2020 Record: 12-4. The Penises closed out last year on a 5 game win streak, and though their record would at first glance paint a picture that they are better than they have been of late, those five games were against Furman, Cornell, and The Citadel. Had they beaten Cornell’s all male acapella group, Here Comes Treble, I would have been more impressed.

2021 Record: 11-4. The Penises, coming off a three game sweep at the hands of Texas and a mid-week loss to Davidson, are in grave need of a slump-buster. Instead, they get the #2 Vanderbilt Commodores and the two best pitchers in college baseball. We feel your pain, Penises. Prior to this week, they were 11-0 (which is why they’re still ranked in all the polls), with their best wins being a 2 game sweep over Clemson.

The Polls: South Cackalacky is #16 in the NCAA Poll (Vanderbilt is #2); same in the D1Baseball poll; #12 in Baseball America (we’re #3); and #17 in USA Today (we’re #2).

Player to Watch: #28 Jr. DH/C/INF Wes “Used to be Mel” Clarke (.382/.528/.964 with 2 2B and a whopping 10 HR). This Angel is not in the outfield, though he sends a lot of balls over the fencing they’ve set up out there. He hit 8 dingers in 16 games last year, and 10 in 15 games thus far in 2021, so, you know, give him a healthy mix of the off-speed stuff.

Confidence Level: Relatively high.

On the Mound

Friday @ 6:30pm CT on SECN+

#80 Vanderbilt Jr. RHP Kumar “White Castle” Rocker (4-0; 0.00 ERA)

vs. #34 Game Penis RS Jr. RHP Thomas “Jamie” Farr (2-0; 1.54 ERA)

Saturday @ 11:00am CT on SEC Network

#22 Vanderbilt So. RHP Jack “Leits Out” Leiter (4-0; 0.45 ERA)

vs. #22 Game Penis Sr. RHP Brannon “White Zennial Name” Jordan (1-1; 3.50 ERA)

Sunday @ 1:00pm CT on SECN+

#66 Vanderbilt So. RHP Thomas “The Mayor” Schultz (1-2; 6.00 ERA)

vs. #18 Game Penis RS So. LHP Julian “Sunnyvale” Bosnic (1-1; 3.46 ERA)

*Will update when lineups are posted.

See you in the comments.