Week 6 Football Mail Bag: Call For Submissions

As Lars Von Trier’s fox says, “Chaos reigns.” This week, that fox decided to reign all over the college football landscape, as aTm bumped the Gumps from the top spot with a game winning field goal (41-38) in Grodejarville; the OK Boomers came back from down 28-7 after the first quarter to beat Tejas 55-48—and on top of that, now have a legitimate QB controversy, as backup QB Caleb Williams clearly outplayed the All Hype Team MVP Spencer Rattler; Iowa knocked out the Old Bald Poach’s starting QB Sean Clifford, and his backup, Ta’Quan Roberson, was Stephen Rivers-level bad (7-21 for 34 yards and 2 picks), and the boring Hawkeyes scored 13 unanswered to win 23-20 and probably be named the #2 team in the nation, though they’re not very good; and The University of Kentucky Fightin’ Feetball Caliparis looked very much like a future top 5 team in a 42-21 dismantling of The Gumbo Bengals that will likely soon lead to DACOACHO losing DAJOBO. Oh, and though this won’t impact the top of the polls, that Ole Piss-Arky game was wild, man.

As for our game, well... it was substantially less interesting. I don’t think any of us are shocked that we lost to the Jorts in Jortsville. If anything, we’re a little stunned we looked as good as we did in the first half. Here was my prediction for this week’s game:

Andrew VU ‘04

There are many interesting games on the docket this week. Ours will not be one of them. In fact, the only interesting aspect of our game will be whether or not the Jorts beat the spread.

Beyond the game itself likely being terrible, as their defense will straight up maul our offensive line, it will also feel terrible, as that Human Anus Todd Grantham will feel momentary joy. Human Anus Todd Grantham should never be allowed to feel joy, no matter how fleeting. He’s one of the worst people in a business full of assholes. Speaking of assholes, have I mentioned he looks like a sentient anus? I have? Good good. It bears repeating from time to time.

The Pick: Florida 49 - Vanderbilt 3

The SEC Upset Pick of the Week: The Gumbo Bengals (+3) will squeak by the Cats in Calipariville. Kentucky is the better team, but LSU will have the size/speed advantage. Oh, and DACOACHO might be DACOACHING for his DAJOB-O down on the DABAYOU.

I was pretty damned close on the game prediction (though oddly, their defensive line didn’t even look as good as ETSU’s against us), and right on the money regarding this week being the most interesting week of the college feetball season thus far, but Sweet Sassy Molassy was I wrong about LSU vs. Kentucky.

All this to say I welcome both Vanderbilt football and SEC football questions, and the latter might be more worth our time this week.

Anyway, I assume you have questions.

Here are the rules of the mail bag:

1. This is a football mailbag, so limit your questions to Vanderbilt football, SEC football, former Big XII football apostate schools, college football, “feetball,” the former Vanderbilt commercial with all the feet in it, and/or Rex Ryan.
2. Post your questions in the comments below today and tomorrow (I will normally post the calls for submissions as reminders on Sunday each week). Just post them in the body of the comment, with the subject line: “Question for the mail bag.”
3. I will collate the best of said emails/questions in the comments, and cull ones that deal with the same topic (so we don’t have to repeat ourselves multiple times weekly). Then, all Anchor of Gold writers will get the opportunity to chime in. The answers will be published on Thursday or Friday.
4. All Anchor of Gold community guidelines apply to the questions. Our basic rule is “don’t be the worst.” Chuggers fans violate this like it’s their birth right.
5. Jeff Green travelled.

...and that’s it.

*Note: Questions about other SEC football teams are welcome, too. We just won’t know as much about them, and will likely respond with juvenile, biased trash talk.