As many of you know, in this dystopian hell-scape we currently inhabit, everything is terrible all the time always. Except, of course, when we’re collectively attempting levity and destroying our boredom for a brief period of time on Anchor of Gold.
As the resident boredom destroyer, I have led the charge to implement such ridiculousness as Anchor of Gold Theatre 3000 (Saturdays at 8pm CT)—an unrepentant theft of the Mystery Science Theatre 3000/Rifftrax model of watching something terrible and collectively mocking it. Just this past Saturday night, we saw 142 comments on Zombeavers—a film so aggressively terrible it blew past “so bad it’s funny” territory and straight into a realm previously inhabited only by Matt Walsh, Stephen Rivers chest passes, and the officials who did not blow the whistle on Jeff Green’s blatantly obvious travel. Still, that was 71 minutes of not being filled with angst, and for that, we salute them.
In the realm of the only competition we have left—cooking shows—we bring you weekly Top Chef Game Threads on Thursdays at 9pm CT. No Malarkey!
For those who would prefer to drink themselves into a coma Rip Van Winkle style, Shawn reviews Bourbon.
Finally, whenever ESPN or the SEC Network broadcast old Vanderbilt games—or, better yet, when Tom finds them on Youtube—we go full O’Reilly and say, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” with our Zombie Game Threads.
All of these things will continue.
However, we come to you, dear reader, to go full Jerry Maguire, and implore you to “help me help you.” What types of things do you want us to do, so we can temporarily kill our apocalypse angst and have some fun together?
Game Threads of old Sepak Takraw matches?
Collectively doing a Brockmire after show called Talkmire? (*Note: If you’re not watching Brockmire, we can’t be friends.)
Doing a March Madness style bracket to crown the greatest ever Vanderbilt athlete only for it to result in the obvious coronation of Ted Skuchas?
Raise an inordinate sum of money to hire Jeff Green to do a virtual travel show, and see if he ever figures out why Vanderbilt sports fans funded the whole thing?
Have VandyImport put out a series of “Cocktail Aerobics” home work out Vandy Lifestyle videos?
Give me your ideas in the comments. If you’re wondering how weird you can get, remember, Parlagi is the Ted Skuchas of the AoG commentariat. Do make sure they are actually possible, though.