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Anchor of Gold Theatre 3000

Got to do something collectively to feel sane during the pandemic. Let’s watch and mock terrible films together without actually having to be within coughing distance of one another.

Havlin’s Theatre, St. Louis, Missouri, 1910 Photo by Hine/Library of Congress/Corbis/VCG via Getty Images

The reality has to be setting in for most of us (well, the non-crazy ones, anyway). The only way to flatten the curve (#flattenthecurve) and not completely overwhelm our hospitals like the Italians have done is to stay the fuck home, you bastards (#staythefuckhomeyoubastards).

Good? Good.

Stop hoarding toilet paper, already, and self-isolate/practice social distancing so as to not kill all our old people.

One idea I floated out there was game-threading shitty movies, and we all MST3K it in the comments in real time. What you do to get in the proper mood for watching said shitty movies before and/or during is entirely up to you. Remember, everything is cancelled, and we’re all bored shitless. There has never been a better time for collective absurdist-angst-comedy. I, for one, promise that AoG will continue to be the boredom destroyer it has always been—sports or no sports.

Reply to this in the comments if doing a MST3K style comment thread while we all watch the same shitty movie at the same time is something you would be into. Also reply with potential shitty movies (let’s limit it to Netflix and Amazon Prime for the time being, so enough people have the ability to watch and comment at the same time), and what dates/times would be preferable.

If there’s enough interest, we will start this week with The Velocipastor on Amazon Prime. I’m thinking Monday at 8pm CT so the parents who have been driven completely crazy by quarantining their young, irrational children can have time to put them to bed, open all their party liquors, and join us.

Work for you?