clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Alan Turing Reanimated To Decode Cryptic Bowl Message

New, 22 comments

Turing joins crack team of scholars of the Voynich Manuscript, Mayanist epigraphers, and paleontologists to decode “God Ssee Vocokyteps. OO.”

God Ssee Vocokyteps. OO.

God Ssee Vocokyteps. OO.

The origins and meaning of that cryptic four word phrase has baffled crypto-scholars and sports bloggers alike in the 24 hour period since it first showed up in the stands of the 2020 Taxslayer Gator Bowl in Jacksonville, FL.

Anchor of Gold has learned that, as of press time, a crack team composed of the corpse of Alan Turing, scholars of the Voynich Manuscript, Mayanist epigraphers, paleontologists, and biblical scholars have been assembled to decode this important message.

Turing ran it through the Enigma machine, and, “What resulted was pure nonsense. It was as if the machine got... dumber. Further, it turned a strange shade of orange. Spontaneously. It now only spits out the following three letters: ‘V-F-L.’”

Scholars from the Wilfird Voynich wing of the Beinecke Rare Book & Manuscript Library of Yale University have determined the following: “The vellum on which each letter was written has been carbon-dated to the early 15th century, and the pigments are likely Appalachian in origin. Though we have not yet received the original documents, we have produced a rendering of what the back of the ‘V’ card may well look like.”

Voynich Manuscript scholars believe this may be on the back of the letter cards.

Said Mayanist David Stuart: “The key to unlocking the whole thing is solving the mystery of the blank card between the ‘P’ and ‘S’ in ‘Vocokytep-s.’ There are two a minor demi-gods in the Popol Vuh named ‘Vocokytepes’ and ‘Vocokytepys.’ The former was a morbidly obese self-proclaimed Champion of Life who existed mostly for the purpose of comic relief, whereas the latter was a small-minded force of destruction who lived within the prison sphere of the Sun God Kinich Ahau and claimed it was always the year One Thousand Nine Hundred Ninety Eight. Both married cousins.”

Primatologist and MacArthur Award Fellow John C. Fleagle disagrees: “What the others are missing is that the etymology of the word ‘Vocokyteps’ clearly points to a Cretaceous Era winged dinosaur, similar to the recently discovered Ambopteryx. My best guess is that Vocokyteps was a dinosaur best characterized by bumbling incompetence and by being way less fierce than it thinks it is. Its diet largely consisted of fermented grapes, though oddly enough, these were ingested anally.”

Said contemporary Augustinian scholar Hubertus Drobner: “But what of God, Fleagle?! God looked upon Vocokyteps and said, ‘OO.’ His cosmology is likely Manichaean but I need more time to confirm. Vocokyteps works in mysterious ways.”

Will update when more is known.