Last night was crap. Forget it. Puke and rally.
The last time we lost a game was 4 weeks ago—a Saturday May 11th loss to TJ Sikkema and the Missourah Tigers of the Big XII. We responded with 12 consecutive wins.
The penultimate time we lost a game was 8 weeks ago—a Sunday April 14th loss to the Woo Pig Sooeys of Arkansas. We responded with 13 consecutive wins.
We lost last night. We only need 7 consecutive wins to bring home the damned title. Are you betting against us? I’m not. I’m doubling down.
This team captured the SEC Regular Season Crown. This team captured the SEC Tournament Crown. This team beat every single team in the Southeastern Conference—the best baseball conference full stop—and a few in the Big XII (aTm and Missourah) who somehow manage to face us and nearly every other SEC team every year.
This team has the #4 overall pick in the current draft. This team has a Golden Spikes Finalist. This team has the country’s leader in dingers.
...and that’s just JJ Bleday.
This team has an offense that is a damned meat grinder. This team averaged 8.5 runs per game. This team has a sophomore who won the SEC batting crown. This team has a shortstop with 70 damned RBI. This team has a senior Sentient Fire Hydrant in Stephen Scott, and when the weather heats up, he sprays balls everywhere. This team has two catchers who got drafted (and at least one who might turn the MLB down, bet on himself becoming an SEC POTY candidate in his junior year, and be taken in the top two rounds next year) and who hit like first basemen. Speaking of first baseman... our 9 hole hitter was the damned Regional MVP, and his Boom Stick is getting taken out of storage tonight!
This team tied a record with most players drafted. This team has 18 year olds turning down multi-million dollar bonuses to come play with them. One of those Wunderkinds, Kumar Rocker, is on the mound tonight.
He’s taking us to White Castle, motherfuckers.
Puke all that shit right out of your system, pour Jobu his damned rum, pound that beer in your hand, smash that can to pieces on your forehead, and alert the fire department, because the Vandyboys are about to burn Duke’s pitching staff to the ground.
Let the fires cleanse you. Let the fires cleanse us all. Tonight we emerge anew.
7. More. Wins.
Win one tonight.
(please and thank you)