clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Elephant in the Room: Jerry Stackhouse or Anton LaVey?

New, comments

I’m not implying anything here... but I also have never seen both basketball player/coach Jerry Stackhouse and founder of the Church of Satan Anton LaVey in the same room.

Commodores Basketball Coach Jerry Stackhouse, pictured with snake.

Every generation has their watershed moment. For my grandfather and other members of The Greatest Generation (aka The G.I. Generation, aka The WWII Generation) it was the stock market crash of 1929, Pearl Harbor, or the exact moment a loaf of bread cost a nickel. For my father and other members of The Baby Boomers, it was the Vietnam Draft, Watergate, and that time they got a lifelong job with security and a pension because someone they just met offered them a job in a field they have no experience in because that person liked the cut of their jib. For my generation, the micro-generation of people on the cusp of both Generation X and the Millennials known as the Xennials (aka The Oregon Trail Generation), it was the Columbine Massacre, 9/11, and when we realized Idiocracy was a documentary.

For the current generation, Gen Z (aka The iPhone Generation), they have but one watershed moment: the moment they realized current Vanderbilt Men’s Basketball Coach Jerry Stackhouse is the reincarnated form of Anton LaVey, founder of The Church of Satan.

Now I am not saying Coach Jerry Stackhouse is the founder of The Church of Satan, in the same way I am not claiming Tenzin Gyatso is the same person as Ngawang Lobsang Thupten Gyatso Jigdral Chokley Namgyal, nor are either the same person, exactly, as Avalokiteshvara or Chenrezig, the Bodhisattva of Compassion and the patron saint of Tibet. Such a statement would be patently ridiculous.

However, consider the photographic evidence:

Anton LaVey, founder of The Church of Satan.

The first photo is of Anton LaVey, founder of The Church of Satan. As you can see, LaVey has many distinguishing attributes, such as a bald, semi-pointed head, large, protruding ears, and black, closely cropped goatee.

Now, look at an old photograph of Jerry Stackhouse, from his time on Milwaukee Bucks.

Vanderbilt Basketball Coach Jerry Stackhouse.

The only notable differences are the bifurcated moustache and the beverage (possibly alcoholic) in his right hand.

Again, here is Anton LaVey, presiding over a Satanic ritual.

This is definitely Anton LaVey.

Whereas this is Jerry Stackhouse from his college days as a star basketball player for the North Carolina Tar Heels.

Jerry Stackhouse (right) with baby.

Beyond that, both Stackhouse and LaVey have been photographed with celebrities.

Anton LaVey (left) pictured with music legend Cee Lo Green.

Vanderbilt Basketball Coach Jerry Stackhouse (left) with actress Jayne Mansfield.

What are we to make of this?

Well, as said by the current head basketball coach Jerry Stackhouse: “Whenever you’re fighting for those top spots, it’s always good to be able to beat those top teams. And after the break, we haven’t done that. We beat these teams before the break, [but] everybody is better in the second half than they are the first half.”

...and from the former head of the Church of Satan: “When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask them to stop. If they do not stop, destroy them.”

Words to live by.