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Chinfante Takes His Boom Stick out of Storage: Dores Take Game Two 10-4

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After taking one to the melon on Friday, Julian Infante broke out with a double and a moon shot HR on top of Memorial Gym.

Stephen Lang and Director Fede Alvarez Attend DON’T BREATH Screening at Bruce Campbell Horror Film Festival
Julian “Chinfante” Infante after we aged him thirty years using sophisticated computer technology.
Photo by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images for Sony

All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up!

*Sits in overstuffed leather chair; dusts off leather-bound tome of Wikipedia...

In physics and classical mechanics, the three-body problem is the problem of taking the initial positions and velocities (or momenta) of three point masses and solving for their subsequent motion according to Newton’s laws of motion and Newton’s law of universal gravitation.[1] The three-body problem is a special case of the n-body problem. Unlike two-body problems, no closed-form solution exists for all sets of initial conditions, and numerical methods are generally required.

Historically, the first specific three-body problem to receive extended study was the one involving the Moon, the Earth, and the Sun.[2] In an extended modern sense, a three-body problem is any problem in classical mechanics or quantum mechanics that models the motion of three particles.

In a yet more extended postmodern baseball sense, Julian Infante has been trying to solve the three-body problem of a spinning, fast-moving spherical object (a pitched baseball), a large metal semi-cylindrical club (a swung bat), and a large, dense, high mass object of significant gravitational pull (his Chinfante) for the better part of the past two years.

For the first two years of his Vanderbilt career, Chinfante found the 1912 solution posited by Finnish mathematician Karl Fritioff Sundman sufficient. In layman’s terms, as long as the conditions were ideal (Lebesque measure was zero), it was “see ball; mash ball over some fencing they have set up; smile for the camera.”

However, in the beginning of his junior year, he became obsessed with Poincare’s infinite solutions...

In work summarized in 1892–1899, Henri Poincaré established the existence of an infinite number of periodic solutions to the restricted three-body problem, together with techniques for continuing these solutions into the general three-body problem.

...and over-complicated everything.

Thankfully, due to the “Tennessee pitcher throws ball at head constant,” on March 29th 2019, Chinfante reached an even simpler, more elegant solution to his problem: “You threw at my head; now you will feel my wrath.”

One day later, he went 2-4 with a double and a mammoth dinger onto the roof of Memorial Gymnasium.

Other people did other stuff and blah blah blah 10-4 series clinching win, but the important thing is Chinfante is back, and he’s brought his Boom Stick!

Hail to the King, baby.


And now... our obligatory look back at The Chuggers’ first loss of this week:

See you at 2pm CT. Bring brooms.


Today’s Lineup (Austin Martin returns!)