You may know him from his Twitter account where he tweets pictures of his cats (Sarah Caterson and Catrick Murphy ), live tweets beauty pageants, and Gumps harder than anyone in the Yellow Hammer State. But I know him as a long time friend and my insight into the weird world of Alabama Athletics. So I thought it was necessary to get his take on the game this weekend, where he’ll be in attendance.
Shawn Allen: Why is your coach so short? Will he have trouble seeing the elevated court?
Hunter Johnson: He’s not short, Shawn. He is a normal-sized human being, unlike the coach of the team across the state, who is fat. Bruce Pearl is fat.
SA: So when do you think the rest of the SEC will move their benches to underneath the hoops?
HJ: Ugh already getting started on that House of Horrors that is Memorial Gym. I am very much on the record as a Memorial Gym-hater. It’s so dumb. And clearly my hate has nothing to do with the fact that we have won there one time since 1991. I am still pissed about Jamychal Green getting called out of bounds in 2011 when he clearly wasn’t (F you Tim Higgins). Probably cost us an NCAA Tournament bid. It seems like even when we have had good teams come up there, we have lost. But, I do at least like that they extended the coach’s box a few years ago. It was much worse before that.
SA: With our terrible luck and missed opportunities, do you think Bama is catching us at exactly the right time for a “Nobody believed in us” game? Because literally, nobody believes in us, just look at our comment section.
HJ: I am not sure that we are catching y’all at the right time, as I almost feel like y’all are due. Vandy has caught a ton of bad breaks this year, beginning with the Darius Garland injury. I was really hoping that y’all would pull it out against Arkansas on Tuesday night, both for conference standing purposes and to go ahead and yet your inevitable win out of the way. You’re not gonna go 0-18.
SA: This is not the self-loathing and hatred we are familiar with in the Vandy Athletic-sphere. But, Bama has alternated W’s and L’s the last 8 games. Your due for an L, but I don’t like how your reverse jinxing us. If we do win, you can probably drown your sorrows at at the FGL House to pay homage to the best Country Group (and your favorite) in the business? Follow up, will you be wearing an all white suit with no shirt to match Bama’s all white road uniforms?
HJ: I will not be hitting up FGL House and I despise FGL (but I did see them at a festival back in September and after about 12 Miller Lites, they weren’t as bad). I kinda wish that the game was starting a little earlier. Would have love to have gone to that Dawes show at The Ryman. And our all-white road football uniforms are the best uniforms in college football and I will accept no opposing viewpoints.
SA: It’s a shame. Was hoping I’d see you in Memorial combining two of your great loves wearing this (pictured below). But, I’m hoping I’m wrong. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
SA: BTW, why didn’t you come for the Kentucky game? I thought all Bama football fans were also Kentucky basketball fans.
HJ: Alabama Football fans who are also Kentucky Basketball fans are the worst people on the planet. I cannot stand folks who are like this.
SA: Probably a good thing you don’t live in Nashville, then. Speaking of Nashville, where you going to brunch Saturday, pal?
HJ: Pal, I don’t know, but I am looking forward to it. I have heard good things about Henrietta Red and Marsh House but I am down for wherever you want to go. Drinking early before Alabama Basketball plays at Memorial Gym is definitely a great idea.