In case you were on the fence about it, Knoxville’s status as “heel” was just cemented.
Glenn Jacobs (R), better known as the professional wrestler/giant Kane, defeated Democrat opponent Linda Haney by a margin of 51,804 to 26,224 and/or via decree of J.R. screaming, “Mah gawd, he’s got a steel chair!”
I know we’re supposed to leave politics out of these articles, but Jesus tap-dancing Christ, the Chuggers just elected the Big Red Machine to run their county/Sun Sphere that is now a wig shop.
His duties will likely include, but not be limited to:
- Trolling Greg Schiano for no reason ad infinitum.
- Misusing your/you’re when trying to insult Anchor of Gold Twitter.
- Ensuring there is a chicken in every pot and/or funnel in every butt.
- Revoking the democratic process in favor of electing mayors via ladder match.
- Appointing the “It’s still real to me, damn it!” guy Comptroller.
- Maintaining the myth that they have an active rivalry with Bama.
- Losing in 2022 to The Bludgeon Brothers.
No word as to whether he will wear a mayoral belt inscribed with “Champions of Life.”