MLB Draft Update: Justin Wilson Signs With the Yankees

Though clearly you all have been following the 2018 MLB Draft’s effects on the current and future (and sometimes not at all) Commodores, and already know this news, it is my obligation to inform you that RHP Justin Wilson—who previously had more than intimated he would return for his redshirt junior year—signed yesterday with the New York Yankees.

Justin Wilson, who is not Vanderbilt freshman RHP Justin Willis, apparently, appeared in 7 games this year (his only year with the Dores, it turns out, as he spent 2017 recovering from elbow surgery, and 2016 at Vol State Community College, which is an actual place, and not something I just made up) went 0-0 with a 2.84 ERA in 6 and ¹⁄₃ IP, though I only remember seeing him in that one Florida game.

In 2015, the Yankees traded LHP Justin Wilson (pictured) for pitching prospects Luis Cessa and Chad Green. In 2018, Cashman decided three years was too long to be sans Justin Wilson, but found that the Twins were unwilling to give him up, despite Cashman’s rendition of “Baby Come Back,” Lloyd Dobler style, outside of the Twins’ bullpen. Cashman then sobbed, yelled, “I don’t need you, anyway!,” went back on his diet, started working out religiously, and revenge-picked a younger, hotter Justin Wilson in the 2018 MLB draft.

No word yet whether Cashman bought a bitchin’ Camaro and/or hair plugs.

Wilson, a 23rd round pick, sentient volleyball, and body-less set of hat and eyes continually peering over the fence into Tim the Tool Man Taylor’s backyard, initially saw through Cashman’s thinly veiled attempt at recapturing his youth, and expressed a heartfelt desire to return to the Commodores, to team up with his roommate—human fire hydrant Stephen Scott—and second baseman Ethan “Chili P” Paul for a run at a title in 2019.

He tweeted the following on June 12th and June 19th, respectively.

After signing yesterday, Wilson tweeted this pile of meaningless pith:

Though he clearly went back on his earlier statements, we wish him the best of luck.

Whoever he is.