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Will Toffey Traded to the Binghamton Rumble Ponies

Part of the A’s trade to acquire former Met closer Jeurys Familia.

College World Series - Virginia v Vanderbilt - Game Three
Wait, did you say “Rumble Ponies???”
Photo by Peter Aiken/Getty Images

The Oakland Athletics have acquired a new closer in former New York Metropolitan RHP Jeurys Familia.

You don’t give a shit about that, though. What you give a shit about is that former Commodore Will “Youth Hockey” Toffey, the #17 prospect in the A’s system, will be riding the busses in the minor league system of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon’s favorite baseball squadron.

The Mets will also receive reliever Bobby Wahl and an ass-ton of international spending money ($1 mil in bonus money) to give to the buscones who altered the birth certificate of any number of “16 year-olds.”

Toffey moves from the Stockton Ports, where he slashed .244/.357/.384 with five home runs, to the Binghamton Rumble Ponies, which is perhaps the worst team name in all of sports—worse even than the Normal Cornbelters, Hartford Yard Goats, and Tennessee Volunteers. We can only assume the owner is a Rumble Brony, which is a mental image I will not soon shake.

Good luck, Youth Hockey. Play your way out of the Rumble Ponies post haste, lest you find yourself in some neckbeard’s pervy internet cartoon pony art.