Well, this is awkward, because something happened last night that we’re not going to talk about. So let’s talk about everything else instead.
Jordan Matthews signed with the New England Patriots, where he will join Adam Butler in an effort to make me not hate the Patriots. (It’s ... only kind of working?)
Seriously, it was kind of a good night for former Vanderbilt players in the pros. Also, the women’s tennis team notched a 4-0 win over Texas A&M.
Off the West End
The Nashville Predators clinched the NHL’s Presidents’ Trophy, awarded to the team with the best regular season record, for the first time in franchise history with a 4-3 win over the Washington Capitals.
Nashville is debating light rail.
UFC gets some awful publicity thanks to their superstar fighter being a complete asshole.
Tiger Woods shot a 73 in the first round of the Masters, which puts him seven shots behind Jordan Spieth. Also on Thursday at Augusta, Sergio Garcia shot a 13 on the 15th hole after putting five balls in the water, which is actually sort of hilarious and is not at all like the movie Tin Cup.
Bear Bryant’s great-grandson Paul Tyson announced his college choice on Thursday and you won’t believe which college he’s going to play quarterback for.
(Also, Vanderbilt baseball hosts Georgia at 6:30 PM tonight on the SEC Network+. Maybe we’ll actually win a game?)