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Better Know An Opponent: The Bye Week

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There is no Vanderbilt football this weekend. What are you going to do about it?

No football helmets because no game this week.

“People of experience maintain that it is very sensible to start from a principle. I grant them that and start from the principle that all men are boring.”

-Soren Kierkegaard, Either/Or

Being a Vanderbilt football fan is a bit like enduring a tepid marriage. Last week at this time, most of us would have preferred the bye and/or had just picked up our pitchforks from the itinerant blade grinder, but then Ke’Shawn returned, Joejuan put the shut down in shut down cornerback, Shurms McKenzie remembered Pinkney is good at playing football, and we got to celebrate our first SEC win of the season (yes, Arkansas is bad, but shut up).

Last week us:

This week us:

Such is the nature of fandom. Admit it: if you’re reading this, you know, no matter what happens, we just can’t quit them.

My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known -- no wonder, then, that I return the love.

-Soren Kierkegaard, Either/Or

Regardless, it’s time to get a better handle on this week’s opponent.

The Opponent: Boredom.

Record: Undefeated.

Ranking: “Strange that boredom, so still and static, should have such power to set things in motion.” -Kierkegaard

Mascot: Flo from Progressive.

Location: The couch.

Coach: Karl Dorrell.

Conference: The ESS-EEE-CEE.

All-time vs. Vanderbilt: Nearly undefeated during football season, but for those three years Zeppos bought that one guy a rocket ship, only for him to go to the place where the former coach died of shame.

In the Last 10 Years vs. Vanderbilt: See above. It doesn’t win as often during baseball, basketball, women’s tennis, and women’s bowling seasons.

The Last Time We Saw These Guys: June 11th, the day after Mississippi State eliminated us from the Super Regionals with a 4 run spot in the 11th inning.

Is Vandy Favored?: No. The ladyfriend is sick, so I’m on my own today. Called a friend and he has to go to a toddler’s Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. He told me I could come if I want... and I briefly entertained the notion before deciding I’m not yet old enough to play Drunk Uncle.

Most Potent Offensive Threat: Tie: 1a) Racist ads for the midterm elections. 1b) The increasing number of hate crimes committed by the cowards moved by such offensive, threatening rhetoric. 1c) The Brazilians elected a literal fascist dictator in Bolsinaro who has police raiding college classrooms to interrogate professors.

Most Potent Defensive Threat: Tie: 1a) Bama v. LSU game at 7pm CT. 1b) Beer. 1c) Bourbon.

Matchup to Watch: Bama v. LSU. Maybe UGA v. Kentucky, but that’s likely going to be a bloodbath. Watch both, but pay more attention to the crazed Cajun sprinting towards the tiger cage, trying to get Mike to eat Saban.

Interesting Fact: I just re-read Kierkegaard’s “A Rotation of Crops” from Either/Or: A Fragment of Life for at least the 50th time in my life. Oh, and this boredom, too, shall pass. Remember: Ke’Shawn, Joejuan, Shurms, and Pinkney will be back on the field next week to play (checks schedule) a Big XII team. Well, Either/Or is a long book. It might get you through more than just today.

“What wonder, then, that the world is regressing, that evil is gaining ground more and more, since boredom is on the increase and boredom is the root of all evil.” -Kierkegaard