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Better know an SEC opponent: the Georgia Bul-awwwww crap this isn’t good

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We’re only a 27 point underdog!

NCAA Football: Vanderbilt at Georgia Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

The School: The University of Georgia

Record: 5-0 (3-0 in the SEC). UGA only beat Tennessee by 26, which would make me hopeful if not for the fact it also beat South Carolina by 34. According to the transitive property, Vanderbilt is going to lose this one 68 to peach emoji.

Ranking: No. 2 in the AP Top 25 and Coaches’ Poll. The S&P+ pegs Georgia as the nation’s No. 4 team, while Vanderbilt dropped six spots to No. 64 after barely beating Tennessee State. That seems generous.

Mascot: This inbred sigil of heavy breathing and suppressed anal glands:

NCAA Football: Georgia at Missouri Jay Biggerstaff-USA TODAY Sports

Look at that face. It’s like the photographer asked “who humped my camera bag?” three seconds before taking this photo.

Location: Athens, GA. I appreciate that Nashville still calls itself the “Athens of the South” despite the existence of an actual Athens in the south. Also, have you looked at Greece lately? Are we sticking with that nickname because middle Tennessee is now also choked with scummy-looking, bad-facial-hair-having, broke young people with no real prospects?

Coach: Kirby Smart. The remora to Nick Saban’s pilot shark. I’m comfortable with this comparison. Saban spends entirely too much time in the water, anyway.

Conference: The SEC. We rolled the dice, and thanks to Benny Snell’s +5 charisma, it’ll be (checks dungeon guide) Kentucky’s turn to emerge as “Georgia’s biggest challenge in the East.”

All-time vs. Vanderbilt: 56-20-2. That’s actually not so bad, until you realize Vandy has only won this game six times since 1973. The Commodores once OWNED this series with an 8-1 record, and then World War I had to come along and ruin it. I can’t think of a once-mighty empire affected worse by the Great War than Vanderbilt.

Well, maybe one empire.

In the Last 10 Years vs. Vanderbilt: 8-2

The Last Time We Saw These Guys: Georgia 45, Vanderbilt 14. The Bulldogs, fresh off 2016’s upset loss against Vandy and realizing that Zach Cunningham was no longer around to make 30 tackles against them, threw 14 total passes and still won by 31. Georgia ran for 423 yards. The ‘Dores got all the way to 64.

Is Vandy Favored?: Oh, you must not have been paying attention this year.

Most Potent Offensive Threat: Elijah Holyfield, who not only is UGA’s most effective running back, but is still pissed about that 2016 loss, for some reason.

Shit. The one time a Holyfield remembers something, and it’s motivation to kick our ass.

Most Potent Defensive Threat: Deandre Baker is a potential first-round cornerback, so expect him to be the beneficiary of Kyle Shurmur’s Rex Grossman moment Saturday.

Matchup to Watch: Georgia fans vs. staying till the final whistle. This one’s probably going to be ugly. Might be one of those days Athens gets a head start on going to the bar rather than watch Prather Hudson double his career total carries in the fourth quarter of a 30-point game.

Interesting Fact: Like I’m not gonna use this space to post that Disco Inferno GIF.

He’s a disco dancin’ fool!


If Georgia wins, we: shrug, work out daydream scenarios where Vandy could still end up in the Independence Bowl.