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Wild Predictions - Season Opener Thread

Anything goes... except for maybe Cole Porter references

Ralph Webb Vanderbilt
In lieu of a picture of Bart Simpson with a faucet glued to his forehead, I give you Ralph Webb.
That’s not a metaphor of any kind, it’s just something different for frontpage.

In this, the last hours before the new season kicks off, many VU fans are still filled with a starry eyed optimism. Whether their optimism will be rebuffed like Walter coming home to find his former high school sweetheart now engaged to the insufferable “Crawl” is yet to be seen. For now, let us enjoy these last few hours of uncertainty by throwing out absurd predictions. Only rule is that it must be VUFB or AoG related.

Tip: The most daffy predictions are the best ones.

Here’s a few:

  • Tired of the passing game not getting it done, Ralph Webb runs for over 2,000 yards this season. Week 8 a shrine is found in his locker with a strange voodoo doll and a filled shotglass of whiskey.
  • The number of times I have to correct someone posting that we ran the same play three times in a row will exceed 10.
  • We average 1 kick return to the house a game.
  • Kyle Shurmur, furious at reading my first prediction, mutters to himself “I’ll show that nerd!” and throws for over 500 yards tonight. Specifically cites me in post game presser; I get sweet 250K/year gig using insults as motivation for VUFB.
  • The number of Futurama/Simpsons references will far exceed any previous year. The Frinkiac bans AoG from using it.
  • After one three and out too many, the VU defense elects to stay on the sideline and force the offense to clean up their own mess for once.
  • Anchor Man and Whistle Guy get into epic final showdown which is the most interesting thing about the Florida game. Vandy Lance makes triumphant return to VU stadiums and breaks it up.
  • Stephen Rivers is found in an alley somewhere, in the fetal position and mumbling “up yours, Jobu” to himself.

Add more of your own, and anchor down!