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Vanderbilt Travels to Uninhabitable Hell Hole for a 3 Game Series

Well, it was either Knoxville or the National Grammar Rodeo... in Canada.

It's a wig shop, now.
It's a wig shop, now.

After taking two out of three from The Judds of Kentucky, the Diamond Dores (29-8, 9-6 SEC) head to some uninhabitable hell hole in the eastern part of the state to face THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED (21-16, 4-11 SEC), and boy if it isn't a great time to play the Fightin' Serranos.

The Chuggers have lost each of their 5 SEC series, losing 2 games to 1 to Ole Piss, Ramajama, The Judds, and The War Tigers (and were swept right out of town by the South Cackalacky Game Penises).  In other words, THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED have completely wasted the junior season of All Everything Third Baseman Nick Senzel - who is the odds on favorite to be the top college bat chosen in the 2016 MLB Draft.

Oh, and you know the statistics have not been great when the team's website hides that information in a drop down button inauspiciously labeled "More."

Let me give you the run down...


They suck.  As a team, they have a 3.96 ERA, which is pretty deceiving, as a frightening amount of runs given up by THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED's pitching staff are unearned (see below).  Let me explain: 3 of their starting pitchers this year have given up 5 or more runs above their earned runs allowed, and as a team, they have somehow given up 29 unearned runs.  For comparison, our infield defense has, at times, been a steaming pile of dog shit, and THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED have given up more unearned runs than we have.

Their best pitcher (and favorite son), Kyle Serrano, is missing and presumed dead.


They suck hard.  THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED have committed 46 errors so far this season.  That's 8 more than we have, and we've had Ethan "Chili P" Paul Knoblauch-ing the hell out of the infield defense for most of our games (12 Errors!!!).  Four, count 'em, four THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED Chuggers have more than 5 Errors on the year thus far, with Max "The Pear" Bartlett pacing them with 9.  Even Nick Senzel has committed 7 (likely in a subconscious attempt to to seek revenge against his terrible pitching staff).


They're actually batting above .300 as a team (.021 better than Vanderbilt, even), so that shows you just how otherworldly terrible their pitching and defense is.  This is a team that can hit the cover off the ball... and it's not just Nick Senzel, either.

3B Nick Senzel (.353/.477/.594 with 15 2Bs and 5 HR) gets all the press, but a whopping three THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED Chugger regulars are arguably performing even better.  Vincent "Not that Vincent Jackson" Jackson (368/.448/.566) leads the team in average and home runs.  Benito "Not that Benito Santiago, but at least he's his son" Santiago (.362/.402/.457) is the SEC's best hitting catcher.  Derek "Not Vandy" Lance (.362/.414/.415) also exists. In fact, all but one of their regulars is hitting north of .300.  In other words, our pitchers will have their work cut out for them.

On the Mound

Friday, April 22 5pm CT SECN+

RHP Jordan "Top Sheff" Sheffield (5-2, 2.91) vs. LHP Aaron "El Conquistador" Soto (4-1, 4.13)

Saturday, April 23 3pm CT SECN+

RHP Kyle "The Movement" Wright (4-2, 1.70) vs. LHP Zach "The New Jersey Kid" Warren (4-4, 2.98)

Sunday, April 24 1pm CT SECN+


It could be anything... even a boat!

(My guess is either Patrick "Mad Dog" Raby or K-Chow for us, though, v. Andy "Big ERA" Cox.)

In conclusion...

See you in the comments.