Donnie Tyndall, volunteer assistant coach, Tennessee Wesleyan. April Fool's.
Career Record: 170-102 in eight seasons between Morehead State and Southern Miss. Also coached somewhere else for a year, but this can't be confirmed.
Accomplishments: Figured out a way to look like an orange creamsicle on the sidelines. (Also, he managed to get Kenneth Faried to go to Morehead State. So that's something. And, huh-huh, "more head.") Is less associated with Matt Walsh than Matt McCall.
Before He Was A Head Coach: Bounced around from town to town, making contacts with local junior colleges and figuring out how to complete juco coursework on behalf of recruits.
Ties to Vanderbilt: Had one of his assistant coaches snitch on Wade Baldwin IV for clapping in his players' faces after a win, leading to the infamous "I'll Fucking Kill You" incident.
Ties to the Old Dominion Athletic Conference: None that we are aware of. This may be a problem, because without any ties to Washington & Lee or Emory & Henry or Randolph-Macon, there's just no way you can possibly succeed as Vanderbilt's head basketball coach. But you just know that he clicked the "Be a Vixen" link.
Stylistic Tendencies: Provides cash and prepaid credit cards to players in an effort to make sure they play hard for him. And that's the difference between Donnie Tyndall and Kevin Stallings. Where Stallings threatens to kill his players, Tyndall just fronts them cash.
Would he come here? Absolutely! He's not currently employed by an NCAA institution, but he assures us that whatever allegations of NCAA violations are out there, they're completely untrue and we should totally hire him to be our basketball coach. But we might want to have Rick Barnes on speed-dial just in case the show-cause penalty comes down after we hire him.
Thoughts: If David Williams has not offered him a multiyear contract by Monday morning, heads should roll in McGugin.