The Classiest of the East v. the Trashiest of the West

How is it that some of the best states have the absolute worst schools representing them? That the "University Of" schools are almost always a terrible excuse for a school and ultimately shame the states that follow?

Yes, you know to what "school" I am referring.

I’m talking about Trash Town USA. "That school on the other side of the state." I’m talking about where the rednecks meet their cousins and create more rednecks. I’m talking about the University (if you can call it that) of Alabama.

Keep in mind, however, that a lot of the players of the Alabama baseball team did not originate from that part of town. They chose to attend that rat-infested campus, and forego their education to play at a mediocre baseball stadium and fan-base in Tuscaloosa (which is almost worse than attending the school because you’re a fan of the team-- yeesh!).

No, no. Instead, they chose to be represented by an elephant whose limp trunk looks like it has erectile dysfunction.

Just in case you don't have yours! pic.twitter.com/7ztYTnQ9Bt

— Big Al (@Official_Big_Al) February 15, 2015

Why would we want that limp thing to be our-- Ugh, nevermind.

All that being said, try to keep an open mind while reading the rest of this preview. I’ll try to remain as unbiased as an Auburn graduate living in Nashville covering Vanderbilt baseball v. Alabama baseball can be.

#7 Vanderbilt (37-16, 18-9 SEC)

v. #47 Alabama (29-24, 11-19 SEC)

The Team

(Yes. Yes, I had to post that Alabama is ranked #47. It's phenomenal.)

Overall their record is 29-24, not the best, and their conference record is 11-19, even worse. In conference play, they took the series against Mississippi State, Georgia, and... *sigh* Auburn. Not difficult teams to beat. More importantly, they lost to Texas A&M, LSU, Ole Miss, Arkansas, and Florida. Alabama’s win-loss record is inconsistent based on the teams they played, but by comparison, it should be an easy sweep for Vanderbilt.

Now, they are coming off a six-game win streak, but it shouldn’t be too hard for Vanderbilt to crush that momentum.

The Players

Remember: these guys may not be the product of indefinitely numbing the minds of young children for over a century yelling those two awful terms as an excuse for virtually anything in their lives. However, they have been exposed to it for -at least- a year, maybe two or even three. By association, they are terrible people.

J.C. Wilhite (.311), Georgie (hahahah) Salem (.280) and Kyle Overstreet (.290) are pretty good at the plate, though. Mikey White, a junior, has the team's highest batting average at .344 with four home runs and 33 RBI. However, Casey Hughston appears to be a bigger threat thanks to a .340 average, six home runs and 41 RBI.

Thomas Burrows looks like their go-to pitcher in the save situation after appearing in all three games against Auburn last weekend. He has a 3.55 ERA and has otherwise been hittable.

Freshman infielder Chandler Avant is coming off an eight game hitting streak, having failed to record a hit in their last contest against Mercer. His conference hitting streak remains at 12 games, and so begins the reaching of semi-notable stats for Alabama.

Ultimately, I can’t find anything that sticks out. They're inconsistent and they need to be punished.

The Stadium

With Sewell Thomas Stadium undergoing "renovation" (I'm still convinced there was an infestation of in-breeding termites in the dugouts), Alabama has been playing their home games in Hoover, just south of Birmingham. This venue is familiar to Vanderbilt, since it is the home of the SEC Baseball Tournament. Vanderbilt will be seeing Regions Park again in less than a week's time.

Note: the new name for Regions Park is Hoover Met Stadium. But if you call it by this name, I will abruptly consider you to be a teenage girl whose plain ignorance is demeaning to her family name.

The Fans

Assuming a large amount of Alabama baseball fans will be herding its way down to Hoover, the fans are nothing to get excited about. They are classless individuals who have no respect for you or your family, especially if you're a member of the opposing team's family, or at least sitting in their section.

This comes from direct experience having attended an Alabama baseball game in their home stadium in the past. I brought my mother to this game, which I quickly learned was mistake #1 for me. They sat the opposing teams' families next to the student section, where we were relentlessly harassed and unable to simply enjoy a baseball game.

Although the venue may be different, I don't expect the treatment of the opposing team's fans to be any different.

The Prediction

I predict Vanderbilt sweeps in blowouts and shutouts across the board. And if they don’t... I will not be happy.

In all of this hateful spewing of the truth, let’s not forget that these Bammers are in fact creatures of earth. And, as the Bible tells us, we are all God's children...

Now, I know that throughout this article, you might have thought I had mistaken University of Alabama with University of Tennessee. Unfortunately, that mistake happens a lot in this part of town. But can we all agree that both are just plain awful?

Disclaimer: I am an Auburn graduate and this post is primarily fueled by rivalry as well as poor experiences at Alabama and with Alabama fans. I have no personal disregard for the individual players of Alabama athletics... hence why I left their insults to the minimum.