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Last year, we conducted the first ever Anchor of Gold Drinking Draft. We mocked all 32 first round picks and correctly made...ONE OF THEM (thanks, Jason Verrett!). So naturally, we had to do it again. If at first you don't succeed.
This time, we've got a few new writers on board this ship of fools. Jenn Greening, Russ Johnson, and "Commodore Tom" Stevenson all jumped on the bandwagon to lay out the 2015 NFL Draft. The only rule? Participants had to be on their fourth drink before their first pick, as to enhance the flow of football knowledge from our fingertips.
The result? Several mentions of Jenn's Tinder use, a handful of players being drafted twice, and the confirmation that Tom is a menopausal midwestern woman based on his choice of drink.
We are no draft experts. Any correct picks beyond the first two and the last one are entirely coincidental.
Note: All spelling, grammatical, and factual errors have been unedited so as to better embarrass their author, who is no doubt a terrible analyst, author, or person.
vandytigerphd [7:47 PM] so i'm going to go ahead and admit I have no idea what any team needs
vandytigerphd [7:48 PM] ive done zero research
andrewvu04 [7:48 PM] love
vandytigerphd [7:48 PM] I haven't even read a mock
tcstephenson [7:48 PM] I'm going to go ahead and admit that I have no idea who the players are
christian.dandrea [7:50 PM] i'm only drafting players with drug problems
andrewvu04 [7:50 PM] Jenn did her three shots of fireball and is in the ER for antifreeze poisoning
jenngreening [7:51 PM] Dude no. But my work does offer $3 shots of tequila
andrewvu04 [7:51 PM] You work at the coolest accounting agency
vandytigerphd [7:51 PM] I love that this has become a tradition now, officially, with the second AoG mock
christian.dandrea [7:52 PM] Bad News Barrett just won the King of the Ring. How does that affect his draft stock?
vandytigerphd [7:53 PM] Heres a players list y'all http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/draft/prospectrankings/2015/
CBSSports.com
CBSSports.com provides full coverage of the NFL draft, including expert mock drafts, prospect rankings, player profiles and a live draft tracker.
andrewvu04 [7:53 PM] Jenn... drink
jenngreening [7:53 PM] I have been drinking and oh dear god is this wine terrible I should've gone with yellowtail
vandytigerphd [7:53 PM] *throws up at the idea of drinking yellowtail*
jenngreening [7:55 PM] What kind of music should I play in the background of this
vandytigerphd [7:55 PM] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnd_0KiF8Nw
andrewvu04 [7:55 PM] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5aZJBLAu1E
The Weather Girls - It's Raining Men
tcstephenson [7:56 PM] F*ck... should I mention that I'm drinking yellow tail since that was what the corner store had?
andrewvu04 [7:57 PM] This is going to be "Mock Draft '15: Sponsored by Yellowtail"
tcstephenson [7:59 PM] Yeah, I've met the three-drink minimum and I have the first pick apparently
vandytigerphd [7:59 PM] OK, FIRST UP ON THE CLOCK - TOM (Tampa Bay)
vandytigerphd [8:00 PM] What did y'all drink for your 3?
vandytigerphd [8:00 PM] DRINK ROLL CALL
vandytigerphd [8:00 PM] Me - Jameo for both
tcstephenson [8:00 PM] Three glasses of Yellowtail Merlot because that's the best thing available at a corner store in Houston
andrewvu04 [8:00 PM] So Tom, will you be going with an accused rapist, a choir boy from HI, or will you throw your vote away and go with a third party candidate???
jenngreening [8:00 PM] Aaaaaand that's why I wish I had yellowtail
jenngreening[8:01 PM] Chardonnay, and more chardonnay, and popcorn and wait a minute..... Throw in some sharp cheddar cheese #classy
tcstephenson [8:01 PM] Because it's the best thing available at a corner store in Houston?
vandytigerphd [8:01 PM] I had some jalapeno havarti earlier
tcstephenson [8:01 PM] Tampa Bay selects Jameis Winston, and hopes the charges continue to get dropped
vandytigerphd [8:01 PM] the wuss pick
jenngreening [8:01 PM] This is terrible
vandytigerphd [8:01 PM] no controversey here folks, a lame cop out pick
andrewvu04 [8:01 PM] Let's just say we all hope he goes to Ibor City and gets into an argument over some rims
tcstephenson [8:02 PM] He hasn't been accused of anything that Ben Roethlisberger hasn't also been accused of and he's still employed by an NFL team
andrewvu04 [8:02 PM] agreed. New Slogan: "The NFL: Objectively The Worst."
tcstephenson [8:03 PM] Hasn't Roethlisberger also been accused of "several"?
johnsonera4 [8:03 PM] hundreds
andrewvu04 [8:03 PM] $100 says that some announcer uses the term "knucklehead infractions" or "immaturity" instead of "accused rapist"
tcstephenson [8:04 PM] Hey now, he hasn't been proven guilty in a court of law and I think we can all agree that's... uh... what I do for a living, basically
andrewvu04 [8:04 PM] All right... and with pick #1 in, we're officially rooting for the meteor to hit Tampa
andrewvu04 [8:04 PM] moving on…
jenngreening [8:04 PM] Okay fine then let's not forget that he SUCKS AT FOOTBALL AND EVERYTHING IN LIFE
vandytigerphd [8:04 PM] Ok, I'm 2 with the Titans... and the Titans, not happy with f*cking up last year, have elected to TRADE down to the Jets... The trade is TN 1st for the Jets 1st, 3rd and a compensation pick in 2016.
andrewvu04 [8:04 PM] Hahaha... self to self trade!
andrewvu04[8:04 PM]Jets take a kicker
johnsonera4 [8:04 PM] we can do that?!
jenngreening [8:05 PM] It just happened, sooo
andrewvu04 [8:05 PM] we can do anything! I'm going to live forever!!!
andrewvu04 [8:05 PM ](By the way, I removed Winston from my board. Would if I ran a real NFL team, too.)
vandytigerphd [8:06 PM] A gun shot rings out at a South Jersey BWW. No, it's not Tommy getting even because Anthony stole his girl Gina. VTPhD is lying dead from a self inflicted gun shot wound to the head, in a pool of his own blood and whiskey. The Jets deign to ruin their QB future once again and go with the Duck, Marcus Mariota.
andrewvu04 [8:06 PM] hahahahaha
andrewvu04 [8:06 PM] Want to trade that down to #20?
andrewvu04 [8:06 PM] No... no... It's better that you're sad
christian.dandrea [8:06 PM] oh I see
christian.dandrea 8:07 PM] Patriots trade #32 for the 1st round picks of every other team i control in the draft
christian.dandrea [8:07 PM] and a player to be named later
andrewvu04 [8:07 PM] Collusion!!!
christian.dandrea [8:07 PM] SHREWD BELICHICK MOVE
andrewvu04 [8:07 PM] (but seriously... no)
vandytigerphd [8:07 PM] BELLICHICK IS A GENUIS
andrewvu04 [8:07 PM] VTPhD killed himself over the guilt of it.
tcstephenson [8:07 PM] NFL is investigating Trade-Gate
tcstephenson [8:08 PM] Have any Patriots players murdered someone today?
andrewvu04 [8:08 PM] current? Maybe.
christian.dandrea [8:08 PM] i want to say no, but i haven't checked twitter lately
vandytigerphd [8:08 PM] ok, I'm dead now, but Jenn is mysteriously silent as she does "research" for the Jags
vandytigerphd [8:09 PM] so let's all get on her because she's definitely run up her clock
andrewvu04 [8:09 PM] (she doesn't know she's up)
vandytigerphd [8:09 PM] I sent the list out
tcstephenson [8:09 PM] Jenn is trolling Vandy baseball players on Tinder
andrewvu04 [8:09 PM] she picks "fireball whisky the player," and then realizes Winston is off the board and has to google mock drafts
vandytigerphd [8:09 PM] swiping dem all to the right.
jenngreening [8:10 PM] Staaaahp they're like jailbait to me now ok?? I just matched with a guy named Tyler and somebody said something about him being on tinder and I was like oh....
andrewvu04 [8:10 PM] umm... we said nothing about Vandy commits...
andrewvu04[8:11 PM] just pick R.J. Soward or Blaine Gabbert and keep this moving, Jenn
tcstephenson [8:11 PM] Hey, I'd probably be matched with half the women's basketball team because that totally makes sense
jenngreening [8:11 PM] Okay fine with the third pick for which I'm pretty sure nobody even knew Jacksonville still had a team, and because every redneck in the state thinks it's Jacksonville Alabama, the Jaguars select Amari Cooper BECAUSE ALABAMA FANS NEED TO LOSE.
andrewvu04 [8:11 PM] shrewd... Alabama does need to lose...
vandytigerphd [8:12 PM] this is a jenn post i can get behind
christian.dandrea [8:12 PM] I'm happy that I get the Raiders, because that means there are no expectations for my pick whatsoever
johnsonera4 [8:12 PM] More true words have never been said
vandytigerphd [8:12 PM] CDA, I think only of you for Oakland
andrewvu04 [8:12 PM] Jamarcus?
christian.dandrea [8:13 PM] sadly, since they stopped reanimating Al Davis's corpse, I can no longer just pick the fastest guy in the draft and call it a night
vandytigerphd [8:13 PM] its true
johnsonera4 [8:13 PM] you still might do it
christian.dandrea [8:13 PM] but, in the spirit of tradition
andrewvu04 [8:13 PM] what else were you planning on doing with his corpse?
tcstephenson [8:13 PM] But can you draft a kicker in the first round?
johnsonera4 [8:14 PM] SEABASSSS
jenngreening [8:14 PM] Hey, punters are people too.
vandytigerphd [8:14 PM] no theyre not
christian.dandrea [8:14 PM] Oakland Raiders select Breshad Perriman
christian.dandrea [8:14 PM] WR
andrewvu04 [8:14 PM] BOOM!!! AL LIVES!!!
tcstephenson [8:14 PM] Somebody named their child Breshad?
christian.dandrea [8:14 PM] the Kingdown of Central Florida
vandytigerphd [8:15 PM] taht actually is a good pick for Oakland... not for the team, but a good pick in they'll prob do that
johnsonera4 [8:15 PM] the Redskins have so many needs
johnsonera4 [8:15 PM] and y’all took the qbs
andrewvu04 [8:16 PM] I like the pick. Al's reanimated corpse written all over it. Big? Check. Fast? Check. NFL bloodlines??? Check! If he's not a Raider, Al is no longer among us.
vandytigerphd [8:16 PM] theres no way Washington takes a QB first round nayway
andrewvu04 [8:16 PM] give them another shit-ass from Baylor
johnsonera4 [8:16 PM] They will take Mariota off the Jets hands here tho
christian.dandrea [8:16 PM] they just gave RGIII a boat, they're good on QBs
johnsonera4 [8:16 PM] In that case….
andrewvu04 [8:16 PM] in fairness, it was just a mystery box that might be a boat
johnsonera4 [8:17 PM] The Redskins select Dante Fowler
tcstephenson [8:18 PM] This would be so much better if I knew who any of these people were
andrewvu04 [8:18 PM] You will, law-talkin' man. You will.
vandytigerphd [8:18 PM] Fowler was UF's OLB
vandytigerphd[8:18 PM] in other words chomp chomp
andrewvu04 [8:19 PM] And his medieval job is snaring birds for their meat and feathers
jenngreening [8:19 PM] Bahahahaha I'm not going to lie, I am just sitting here like "How are we not all drafting SEC players? DO ANY OTHER PLAYERS ACTUALLY MATTER?"
jenngreening [8:19 PM] Okay, that was sort-of a lie.
andrewvu04 [8:19 PM] #allplayerslivesmatter
jenngreening [8:19 PM] And can we really count Florida in the SEC anymore?
tcstephenson [8:20 PM] Did we ever count them in the SEC?
vandytigerphd [8:20 PM] theyre very sec - they harbor murderers
andrewvu04 [8:20 PM] By the way, I missed an opportunity to let you all know Amari Cooper's medieval job was making barrels. I feel shame.
jenngreening [8:20 PM] Guys I'm out of popcorn & it's only the 6th pick?
[8:21 PM]
Pasted image at 2015 04 28 09 21 PM
112KB PNG in #ship_of_fools_mock • Add comment •
andrewvu04 [8:21 PM] all right Titans... reanimate the post-suicidal corpse of VTPhD and make your pick
jenngreening [8:21 PM] For being the only one actually LIVING in Nashville, I'm excited for this
tcstephenson [8:22 PM] Did you guys hear about Alexander Hamilton relapsing on cocaine?
jenngreening [8:23 PM] #thingsIcareaboutmorethantheTitansdraftpick
andrewvu04 [8:23 PM] used $10 bills
andrewvu04[8:23 PM] pick, you large-headed so and so
tcstephenson [8:23 PM] Use hundreds or GTFO
christian.dandrea [8:23 PM] Hamilton is going to die a horrible death in a dueling accident thanks to his addiction to an antiquated honor code.
christian.dandrea[8:23 PM]I'm just glad it won't be here.
tcstephenson [8:23 PM] AARON BURR
christian.dandrea [8:23 PM] #topical
vandytigerphd [8:23 PM] Well, ok, with the QBs of note and worth gone, they try to bolster their passing attack by picking up a WR - they go DeVante Parker
johnsonera4 [8:24 PM] and the Kevin White zoom ins on ESPN are rapid
vandytigerphd [8:24 PM] OH NO HE WAS PASSED OVER
vandytigerphd [8:24 PM] (exactly)
andrewvu04 [8:24 PM] ...and with the Titans making a terrible pick, the Chicago Vanderbears SPRINT to the podium and take: Leonard Williams, DT, USC
vandytigerphd [8:24 PM] ESPN then spends the next 1,034,314 hours wondering how Kevin White feels
christian.dandrea [8:24 PM] aw man an actual smart pick
johnsonera4 [8:25 PM] The Falcons have traded the pick
jenngreening [8:25 PM] Bahahahaha
vandytigerphd [8:25 PM] we're not supposed to be making smart picks
vandytigerphd[8:25 PM] what the f*ck is this
andrewvu04 [8:25 PM] I may be drunk, but I'm functioning. I'm the Wade Boggs of this blog.
johnsonera4 [8:25 PM] to the browns for 12, 19 and a first next year
johnsonera4[8:25 PM] the browns select Kevin White
vandytigerphd [8:26 PM] hahah two 1st rounds for Kevin White?
vandytigerphd [8:26 PM ] the Browns ARE that stupid
andrewvu04 [8:26 PM] I could see that. They then room him with Josh Gordon and Johnny Foosball Manziel in training camp and he immediately gets 10 substance abuse penalties
tcstephenson [8:26 PM] Hey, if I went to Texas A&M I'd probably have a drinking problem too
vandytigerphd [8:26 PM] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRBDMMVctu8
The Factory Of Sadness (A Cleveland Browns Fan's Reaction To Today's Game Against Houston)
johnsonera4 [8:26 PM] that was when Mallet started
vandytigerphd [8:27 PM] youve got the Gmen Tom
tcstephenson [8:27 PM] The Giants select Shane Ray BECAUSE WHO GIVES A F*CK ABOUT SMOKING POT
christian.dandrea [8:27 PM] OR TOES
andrewvu04 [8:27 PM] He smokes toes?
vandytigerphd [8:28 PM] its the thing all the kids are trying now brah
christian.dandrea [8:28 PM] just like the jack johnson song.
andrewvu04 [8:28 PM] I no longer know what we're talking about
christian.dandrea [8:28 PM] Jenn is up with the Rams
andrewvu04 [8:28 PM] (swiping right on Zac Stacy)
christian.dandrea [8:28 PM] You should trade your pick for the opportunity to move your franchise to california
jenngreening [8:28 PM] And with the whatever pick, the St. Louis Rams select Sammie Coates because they always pick the best players ever ###
jenngreening[8:29 PM] No actually it's a legitimate pick. They always pick Auburn players
jenngreening[8:29 PM] ALWAYS. I LOVE THE RAMS.
jenngreening [8:29 PM] So he jumped 50 picks, who cares.
andrewvu04 [8:29 PM] Hahahah... has to claim it's legitimate before we even mock it
andrewvu04 [8:29 PM] that's how you know it's legitimate
jenngreening [8:30 PM] But since we won't actually get to Sammie Coates, I suppose the Rams would either trade or pick Todd Gurley because SEC. SEC. SEC. (in that SEC Network chant)
andrewvu04 [8:30 PM] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m6Sw26gUQo
Auburn Sucks | Squidbillies | Adult Swim
jenngreening [8:30 PM] Not even gonna watch it.
christian.dandrea [8:30 PM] Vikings take Todd Gurley, who promptly reinjures his ACL kicking Adrian Peterson out the door.
andrewvu04 [8:30 PM] I like trucks
jenngreening [8:30 PM] YES
jenngreening [8:30 PM] WINNER
jenngreening [8:31 PM] end draft.
vandytigerphd [8:31 PM] flawless victory
tcstephenson [8:31 PM] Wait isn't Adrian Peterson still suspended?
andrewvu04 [8:31 PM] Did Gurley make him pick a switch?
vandytigerphd [8:31 PM] ok, because apparently Russell is already drunk he now has the Atlanta pick via the Browns
tcstephenson [8:32 PM] I was surprised they didn't go to trial on that, knowing what county that was in they probably think that's just proper discipline
andrewvu04 [8:32 PM] aye
vandytigerphd [8:32 PM] speaking of undue hysteria all the fatties mad at the protein world ad is hilarious to me
andrewvu04 [8:32 PM] stop being a NJ Italian stereotype, VTPhD
johnsonera4 [8:32 PM] The Falcons pick Randy Gregory
tcstephenson [8:33 PM] What's Protein world?
johnsonera4 [8:33 PM] because who in Atlanta doesn’t know how to get high and still pass a drug test?
andrewvu04 [8:33 PM] oh hell... that was my Taints pick to piss of the New Orleanians... as he said, "New Orleans is boring." Well, I suppose there's nothing that'll piss 'em off more than a Falcon saying that...
vandytigerphd [8:33 PM] theyre a protein supplment company that put an ad out that angered crazy people because they used a model in their ad. They further angered the tumblr nation when they refused to apologize
andrewvu04 [8:34 PM] I'll go ahead and give Rob Ryan a weapon to completely misuse: Vic Beasley, LB, Clemson
tcstephenson [8:34 PM] I just googled it. That model is hot. Why would anybody be pissed?
tcstephenson [8:34 PM] I'd swipe right to her
vandytigerphd [8:35 PM] We're not talking about well-adjusted people here Tom
christian.dandrea [8:35 PM] also, they're british
jenngreening [8:35 PM] PSA: A model is somebody who gets a job in an ad/pictures/ etc. A model is a model once he/she is hired. If you're in an ad, YOU'RE A MODEL.
christian.dandrea [8:35 PM] they see the sun 4 times a year
christian.dandrea [8:36 PM] a "beach body" is just a vague concept to them
vandytigerphd [8:36 PM] yes jenn but BODY SHAMING
tcstephenson [8:36 PM] Why can't I just have pictures of myself with no clothes on posted on billboards?
jenngreening [8:36 PM] You can, stephenson.
vandytigerphd [8:37 PM] Anyway, apparently the 'fins need a DB, so I'm going the boring pick here and Saying the fins take Trae Waynes
tcstephenson [8:37 PM] I'd complain about Jenn revealing my last name but that shows up on my Twitter handle anyway so... who cares
jenngreening [8:37 PM] Does Ohio State even have a prospect in this draft? This one's for you, RJ Umberger
andrewvu04 [8:37 PM] You can't pick a hockey player
andrewvu04 [8:38 PM] we have very few rules here, but you can't pick a hockey player
jenngreening [8:38 PM] It's not my pick. No I was saying that because... Ugh, nevermind
jenngreening [8:38 PM] i wouldn't pick RJ anyway.
andrewvu04 [8:38 PM] no matter how many times you swipe right to him
christian.dandrea [8:38 PM] Andrew is now up with the rotting corpse that was once a vibrant 49ers franchise
andrewvu04 [8:38 PM] Ah yes
andrewvu04 [8:38 PM] SELF TRADE TIME!!!
andrewvu04 [8:39 PM] The Philadelphia Eagles trade their 1st (20) and 3rd to San Fran for #15.... and take Trae Waynes, CB, Michigan State
christian.dandrea [8:39 PM] noooooope
johnsonera4 [8:39 PM] you must be turnt in philly
christian.dandrea [8:40 PM] vt just took waynes
jenngreening [8:40 PM] So many things going on right now. 1) Wasn't Waynes taken? 2) That's not a QB & 3) whaaaaaaaat
vandytigerphd [8:40 PM] yeah you cant have Waynes, I took him for Miami
christian.dandrea [8:40 PM] the miami herald got their "WAYNES'S WORLD" headlines set up in bold typeface and everything
andrewvu04 [8:40 PM] CHIP KELLY CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS!!!
vandytigerphd [8:40 PM] *proceed to lose as usual
andrewvu04 [8:40 PM] All right... no trade then
vandytigerphd [8:41 PM] this is taking longer than a Devils 1-0 3rd period
andrewvu04 [8:41 PM] San Fran takes Arik Armstead, DE, Oregon because of course they do
jenngreening [8:41 PM] Come on, Andrew, I'm a girl here & even I'm keeping up
christian.dandrea [8:41 PM] SEXIST
andrewvu04 [8:41 PM] that's what she said
tcstephenson [8:41 PM] Which Andrew are you even talking to?
jenngreening [8:41 PM] Oh please. As if every male reader isn't thinking about this every time I make a post
andrewvu04 [8:42 PM] I'm keeping up... I'm just refilling my drink often and missing picks
jenngreening [8:44 PM] AND WITH THE 16TH PICK....
christian.dandrea [8:44 PM] "Houton" - as VT so elegantly spelled it, is up. That means Commodore Tom.
johnsonera4 [8:44 PM] Joining AOG was a great decision.
johnsonera4 [8:44 PM] even tho it wasn’t mine
tcstephenson [8:44 PM] Oh yeah, that's me
jenngreening [8:44 PM] Dear god. Hahahaha
tcstephenson [8:45 PM] So since the Texans think Brian Hoyer and Ryan Mallett solve their QB problems...
tcstephenson [8:45 PM] They shore up the D-Line that already has JJ Watt and Jadeveon Clowney by drafting Malcom Brown
andrewvu04 [8:46 PM] Texas bias
christian.dandrea [8:46 PM] Malcom finally has that "buy a 2nd L" money
christian.dandrea [8:47 PM] Jenn and "San Deigo" now up
jenngreening [8:47 PM] I know we said hockey players are out, but what about former NBA players? Bc Sir Charles.
andrewvu04 [8:48 PM] you must pick draft-eligible players, Jenn. Barkley isn't even military draft eligible.
jenngreening [8:50 PM] After minutes of consultation with a SD Chargers specialist, we choose Melvin Gordon if he's available
vandytigerphd [8:51 PM] CDA gets the Chefs (great googly moogly)
christian.dandrea [8:52 PM] Kansas City needs a receiver since they basically have a WLAF roster at the position
christian.dandrea [8:52 PM] they take Nelson Agholor
andrewvu04 [8:53 PM] I actually like that pick for Big Red.
johnsonera4 [8:53 PM] Falcons are going to have to get creative since MG3 is off the board
jenngreening [8:53 PM] I love my pick
jenngreening [8:53 PM] Isn't my pick AMAZING?! (said in the style of Kelsey from the Bachelor)
vandytigerphd [8:54 PM] no one here watches that either
jenngreening [8:54 PM] Dammit to hell
johnsonera4 [8:54 PM] i hate to pick a bama player..
jenngreening [8:55 PM] I've officially gotten too lazy to put my wine glass on my bedside table & resorted to useing my ipad as a coaster
johnsonera4 [8:56 PM] anyways.. Landon Collins mom is gonna be pissed, cause he’s coming to Atlanta and there’s not a damn thing she can do about it
christian.dandrea [8:57 PM] Landon Collins to ATL via Cleveland at pick #19.
andrewvu04 [8:57 PM] With the Eagles actual pick... I'm going to do the Chip Kelly-est thing that ever Chip Kelly'd. Spend the entire off-season doing nothing but sunshine-pumping Mariota, visiting Byron Jones eleventy billion times, and making it brutally obvious that we're going to trade up or take a defensive back... and then on draft day take a tackle and immediately move him to guard. With the 20th pick, the Philadelphia Eagles select Brandon Scherff, OT, Iowa. Because of course they do.
johnsonera4 [8:57 PM] I’ll burn down my house if they do some shit like that
jenngreening [8:58 PM] *pours another glass of wine
johnsonera4 [8:58 PM] *downs bottle of ciroc
vandytigerphd [8:58 PM] its at this point I text VU04 only to get "..." as a response
8tcstephenson [8:58 PM] F*ck, why am I drinking wine, I feel like a woman right nowchristian.dandrea [8:58 PM] *lights meth pipe
jenngreening [8:59 PM] Also, I chose wine believing I would be the sole wine-drinker for tonight's event. Oops.
tcstephenson [9:00 PM] Hey, it was what the corner store had that I didn't care if it got warm before I got home, get off me
vandytigerphd [9:00 PM] So I do not know, nor do I care to know what The Bengals need. But seeing as this seems like a good time for Landon Collins to go, let's do that
johnsonera4 [9:01 PM] ATL just took Collins
jenngreening [9:01 PM] Who chills red wine?
Is he even drinking it right?
vandytigerphd [9:01 PM] Oh shit, they did
tcstephenson [9:01 PM] Of course it's not chilled, I live in Houston
vandytigerphd [9:01 PM] i have a damned spreadsheet and I missed it
vandytigerphd [9:01 PM] alright, Andrus Peat
jenngreening [9:01 PM] Okay, we get it, you live in a shitty Texas city with Jeremy Barfield, ok
tcstephenson [9:02 PM] Who's Jeremy Barfield?
jenngreening [9:02 PM] OH MY GOD THOMAS
andrewvu04 [9:02 PM] her ex, methinks
christian.dandrea [9:02 PM] I BET HE WENT TO AUBURN
andrewvu04 [9:02 PM] he likes trucks
vandytigerphd [9:03 PM] /SWOON
jenngreening [9:03 PM] Aside from being a close personal friend of mine (NOT AN EX), you don't recognize the Barfield name?!
tcstephenson [9:03 PM] STOP CALLING ME THOMAS DAMNIT
christian.dandrea [9:03 PM] this is good team building
johnsonera4 [9:03 PM] TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK DAMNIT
christian.dandrea [9:03 PM] we are gonna have the worst trust falls later
andrewvu04 [9:03 PM] Damn it is two words, con sarn it!
andrewvu04 [9:03 PM] Who the hell is up?
jenngreening [9:03 PM] Pittsburgh
andrewvu04 [9:07 PM] also, why is Pittsburgh not picking? In the bathroom with Big Ben?
johnsonera4 [9:08 PM] With The Pouncey Twins watching the dooor
jenngreening [9:08 PM] Hey guys.. HEY GUYS
andrewvu04 [9:08 PM] oh God... their names make it so much worse
tcstephenson [9:08 PM] Does anybody even know who's picking for Pittsburgh?
andrewvu04 [9:09 PM] is it VandyImport or something?
christian.dandrea [9:09 PM] email says its Jenn
vandytigerphd [9:09 PM] jenn is picking for the Steelers
tcstephenson [9:09 PM] DAMN IT JENN
jenngreening [9:09 PM] What
vandytigerphd [9:09 PM] but I figured she was just stalling or trying to show off her picture
jenngreening [9:09 PM] I thought I had arizona
andrewvu04 [9:09 PM] she was too busy changing her profile picture here
vandytigerphd [9:09 PM] you have both
jenngreening [9:09 PM] I'm totally trying to show off my picture
tcstephenson [9:09 PM] Oh, I think I saw that picture on Tinder
johnsonera4 [9:09 PM] who of us has the most picks
jenngreening [9:10 PM] It says JON
jenngreening [9:10 PM] NOT JENN
vandytigerphd [9:10 PM] its says Jenn
vandytigerphd [9:10 PM] you're reading the old one
andrewvu04 [9:10 PM] (flashback to Tom swiping left... JON getting the sads)
jenngreening [9:10 PM] the spreadsheet says Jon
jenngreening [9:10 PM] wtf
jenngreening [9:10 PM] Oh no
jenngreening [9:10 PM] Okay
jenngreening [9:10 PM] so shittsburgh
tcstephenson [9:10 PM] Well yeah I would swipe left to someone named Jon
vandytigerphd [9:10 PM] Jon backed out so I gave the picks away
jenngreening [9:11 PM] Uhm
vandytigerphd [9:11 PM] the non-vandy people got 6, the rest of us lads got 5
jenngreening [9:12 PM] Oh kay, with the Jon pick, the Shittsburgh Stealers.... pick .....
vandytigerphd [9:12 PM] we need to just start calling Jenn Jon and not explain it to anyone on the site
tcstephenson [9:12 PM] Well, since she keeps calling me Thomas I agree with this
jenngreening [9:13 PM] Can I trade??
andrewvu04 [9:13 PM] sure
jenngreening [9:13 PM] No..
jenngreening [9:13 PM] Okay
jenngreening [9:13 PM] Uhm
vandytigerphd [9:13 PM] yes
andrewvu04 [9:13 PM] I will trade you a banana for your snack pack
jenngreening [9:13 PM] Shittsburgh trades Arizona and Arizona picks Vic Beasley
andrewvu04 [9:13 PM] already gone... try again
jenngreening [9:13 PM] What??
andrewvu04 [9:13 PM] 13 to the Taints
johnsonera4 [9:13 PM] noo
andrewvu04 [9:14 PM] get your head in the game, Jon
vandytigerphd [9:14 PM] hahahah Vic is long gone
johnsonera4 [9:14 PM] Someone better get Bud
johnsonera4 [9:14 PM] he was supposed to be top 10
christian.dandrea [9:14 PM] nah, this is more of a drinking draft, russ
christian.dandrea [9:14 PM] zing!
andrewvu04 [9:14 PM] Bud? Where no is no longer an answer? Or where anything can happpen?
tcstephenson [9:14 PM] The beer that takes "no" out of your vocabulary for the night
jenngreening [9:15 PM] Trade still in effect, Pittsburgh to ARizona and Arizona picks Jake Fisher, because that is a sexy name
tcstephenson [9:17 PM] Detroit takes Dorial Green-Beckham because f*cking of course Detroit picks a WR
andrewvu04 [9:17 PM] Hmm... I don't see it. Do they have too many girlfriends on their staircase [allegedly]?
andrewvu04 [9:18 PM] (I despise DGB. Despise him. Was going to pick him for Dallas is how much I despise him.)
jenngreening [9:18 PM] So Shittsburgh picks DJ Humphries
andrewvu04 [9:19 PM] Arizona, Jon. You already picked someone for Pittsburgh.
tcstephenson [9:19 PM] No, she traded with herself
andrewvu04 [9:19 PM] ahh... she swiped inwards
vandytigerphd [9:19 PM] she didn't want a free dinner from Tom, apparently
christian.dandrea [9:20 PM] Panthers take Ereck Flowers, since they are desperate enough to throw money at Michael Oher, and we saw how that worked in Nashville last year
jenngreening [9:20 PM] I traded myself lol
tcstephenson [9:20 PM] They don't get free dinners from me
vandytigerphd [9:20 PM] 26 - Baltimore
andrewvu04 [9:20 PM] ah, so here comes another criminal, I imagine
johnsonera4 [9:21 PM] Marcus Peters available?
andrewvu04 [9:21 PM] yes
andrewvu04 [9:21 PM] he's a Raven if I've ever seen one
johnsonera4 [9:22 PM] he’s headed to baltimore, but not yet (party cancelled)
vandytigerphd [9:22 PM] wooo
vandytigerphd [9:22 PM] and Baltimore continues their proud tradiiton of drafting criminals
andrewvu04 [9:24 PM] With all the known felons off the board who are likely to go in the first round, I'm somewhat stumped on who to give Dallas. No... no, I'm not. Let's make them reach. Benardrick McKinney, LB, Mississippi State
andrewvu04 [9:25 PM] btw, someone take Shelton and Dupree off the board before they go to New England
jenngreening [9:26 PM] I didn't know dupree was still available or I'da picked him
vandytigerphd [9:26 PM] Sorry brah, Denver's pick is Cameron Erving
christian.dandrea [9:26 PM] russ literally told you to pick dupree with pittsburgh
tcstephenson [9:26 PM] Who's dupree?
johnsonera4 [9:27 PM] bud
johnsonera4 [9:27 PM] from UK
andrewvu04 [9:27 PM] yeah, but she was picking her profile picture then
jenngreening [9:27 PM] I didn't know who "Bud" was!!
jenngreening [9:27 PM] I THOUGHT JON HAD THE PICK DAMMIT
tcstephenson [9:27 PM] Well obviously she puts as much thought into it as her Tinder profile picture
vandytigerphd [9:27 PM] Jon isn't even here
jenngreening [9:27 PM] And clearly I thought russell was Jon lmao
johnsonera4 [9:30 PM] Indy takes Byron Jones
andrewvu04 [9:30 PM] oh f*ck right off. I call collusion with CDA!
vandytigerphd [9:30 PM] theres no way there's not collusion
tcstephenson [9:31 PM] SHENANIGANS!
christian.dandrea [9:31 PM] Green Bay, New Orleans, and then the good guys
andrewvu04 [9:31 PM] ah yes... Green Bay will take Shelton or Dupree (you bastards)
andrewvu04 [9:31 PM] (I know I'm not picking, but make it so)
tcstephenson [9:32 PM] Green Bay picks Stephen Rivers because he's Philip Rivers' brother, he has to be good at playing quarterback
christian.dandrea [9:32 PM] GREAT PICK
andrewvu04 [9:32 PM] COLLUSION!!!
christian.dandrea [9:32 PM] NO ONE THROWS A MORE COMEDIC CHEST PASS
vandytigerphd [9:32 PM] THAT PICK IS VETOES
vandytigerphd [9:32 PM] VETOED
tcstephenson [9:32 PM] How is that pick vetoed?
andrewvu04 [9:32 PM] ...and when an Italian says Veto, it carries
vandytigerphd [9:33 PM] I'm alreadyu driving down to Houston to make it official
johnsonera4 [9:33 PM] Football reasons
andrewvu04 [9:33 PM] For the same reason Jen can't take hockey players or Gnarls Barkley
tcstephenson [9:33 PM] Who is this Shelton person?
andrewvu04 [9:33 PM] big fat guy
christian.dandrea [9:34 PM] the guy from big bang theory
jenngreening [9:34 PM] I PICK EVANGI MALKIN FOR THE 29TH PICK
andrewvu04 [9:34 PM] Danny Shelton, NT UW
christian.dandrea [9:34 PM] don't pick him, he's not funny
andrewvu04 [9:34 PM] GB needs a fat guy
tcstephenson [9:34 PM] Okay, Green Bay takes Danny Shelton because I'm guessing he's been convicted of something?
andrewvu04 [9:34 PM] indeed
andrewvu04 [9:34 PM] now the Taints will oblige and take Bud
vandytigerphd [9:34 PM] GB pick is still u
christian.dandrea [9:34 PM] i believe they already took Malkin.
vandytigerphd [9:35 PM] Shelton pick accepted... Jenn has New Orleans...
andrewvu04 [9:35 PM] trade offer for the Taints, Jen!
andrewvu04 [9:35 PM] Philly trades you next year's 1st!!!
andrewvu04 [9:35 PM] Do you accept?!
andrewvu04 [9:36 PM] (And this year's 6th)
jenngreening [9:36 PM] Well damn, I mean that's bound to be the 1st overall pick... that's tough
andrewvu04 [9:36 PM] (trust me... take it)
jenngreening [9:36 PM] Or... OR I CAN TAKE DUPREE???
andrewvu04 [9:36 PM] this year's 2nd, next year's 2nd
andrewvu04 [9:36 PM] do it
andrewvu04 [9:36 PM] to Philly
johnsonera4 [9:36 PM] TAKE BUD
jenngreening [9:37 PM] New Orleans trades to Philly
vandytigerphd [9:37 PM] NO
vandytigerphd [9:37 PM] VETO
andrewvu04 [9:37 PM] PHILLY TAKES BUD DUPREE!!!
andrewvu04 [9:37 PM] OLB, UK!!!
andrewvu04 [9:37 PM] It was a fair trade
vandytigerphd [9:37 PM] lol ok I'
vandytigerphd [9:37 PM] ok i'll allow it
vandytigerphd [9:37 PM] i mean this is already the most ridiculous mock ever
johnsonera4 [9:37 PM] it all started with you
andrewvu04 [9:38 PM] Now we shall celebrate with more drinking
vandytigerphd [9:38 PM] mine made sense becauyse the Jets are retarded
christian.dandrea [9:38 PM] fine
jenngreening [9:38 PM] MOAR DRINKING
christian.dandrea [9:38 PM] Patriots take a prospect who has been trending up all day
christian.dandrea [9:38 PM] Wade "Bad News" Barrett, King of the Ring
christian.dandrea [9:38 PM] he'll be a tight end or something
christian.dandrea [9:38 PM] i don't know
vandytigerphd [9:38 PM] I refuse to acknowledge any pick unless you acknowledge them as Sodom and Gamorrah
christian.dandrea [9:38 PM] Belichick will figure it out
andrewvu04 [9:38 PM] (and scene)
christian.dandrea [9:39 PM] you like that foreshadowing? That's how you write a compelling draft.
andrewvu04 [9:39 PM] well played
andrewvu04 [9:40 PM] 2nd round starts now. Tampa Bay... you're on the clock!
jenngreening [9:40 PM] whoa this goes to second round?
tcstephenson [9:40 PM] We're doing a second round?
vandytigerphd [9:40 PM] no f*cking way we do second round
jenngreening [9:42 PM] Can we do a NHL mock draft now?
andrewvu04 [9:42 PM] now that would be insane
johnsonera4 [9:42 PM] MLB would be intense too
vandytigerphd [9:42 PM] here's a list of 18 year olds we've never heard of
jenngreening [9:42 PM] I mean we're already drunk, it's only named "ship of fools MOCK" it doesn't say which sport
andrewvu04 [9:42 PM] Connor McDavid and then CDA just picks all the wrestlers he can name
vandytigerphd [9:42 PM] there, NHL draft done
(and, scene).