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Dorrell Hired as QB Coach

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Let's try to be optimistic on this one. He's experienced? He's worked here before? He's made of carbon? No... I got nothing.

I, for one, welcome our insect overlords...
I, for one, welcome our insect overlords...
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

After an off-season that saw Coach Derek Mason axe both coordinators, the strength coach, and many position coaches, many Vanderbilt fans had a rosy outlook for the future of this football program.  The reasoning went like this: "Yes, last season was a dumpster fire, but Mason recognized this, and was able to fire close, personal friends and coaching mentors for the good of the program.  He brought in a quality offensive mind in former Wisconsin Offensive Coordinator Andy Ludwig, and is taking the reins of his defense.  Our hets are dry now.  No need to panic."

Well, in a word... PANIC.

START PANICKING RIGHT NOW!!!

After a season filled with nothing but mind-boggling decisions that would be comical if the focus of the schadenfreude wasn't us; where Dorrell/Mason yo-yoed Robinette, McCrary, Rivers, and Freebeck like a Pop Warner coach who listens to parents who complain about their son's playing time; where Temple wetted our hets; where Stephen Rivers existed; where plays were called seemingly by a random generator; where wide receiver snaps were decided based on who your dad is; where STEPHEN RIVERS EXISTED; this - re-hiring Karl Dorrell after the most incompetent season this side of a Widenhofer toll booth - is the single dumbest decision of all.

How do you?  Why?  But?

ALL THE EXPLETIVES!!!

Screw it, I'm out.  Football season will now officially be called "Waiting for basketball season to start" until VCDW does the right thing and puts this entire staff out of their misery.

Well, except Bankins.  And maybe Ludwig.

Fuck it... make Graduate Assistant Chris Marve head coach.  He can't possibly do worse.

For everyone else, time to jump in the dumpster.

(yes, this is an April Fool's post.)