"Why did [THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED] pick their school colors? So they can wear it to their job on Friday, to the game on Saturday, and to pick up trash on the side of the road on Sunday."
-My favorite professor in grad school
SEC Week Three
#2 Vanderbilt Commodores (20-5, 5-1 SEC) v. THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED (10-11, 1-5 SEC)
The last time anyone representing THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED came to The Hawk, they tried to cut out some letters from the turf and steal home plate. They caused about $10,000 in damages, which is the only damage anyone from the school to the East has done at The Hawk in this century. As our field is pristine once more, I can only assume we repossessed their antique cans of Grizzly Long Cut, and/or will be garnishing their wages from the Jet Ski store for the rest of their natural lives. That they can no longer afford the fancy boxed wine to funnel anally is a good start, but it's not enough.
We. Must. End. Them.
Luckily, this will be pretty easy, as they are a steaming pile of coonhound dog shit this year. As such, I'll keep this short and sweet.
Attn Fulmer, Buehler, and Sheffield: Time to
aim for ear holes demonstrate good sportsmanship.
Attn Swanson, Wiseman, Wiel, and Reynolds: Time to
come in hot, cleats up play the game the right way.
Attn Fans in the Stands: Time to
be gracious hosts follow them home; burn their houses down.
Friday at 6:30pm (SECN+): Jr. RHP Carson Fulmer (3-1, 1.85 ERA) vs. Sr. RHP Bret "They Stole My T, too" Marks (2-2, 1.38 ERA)
Saturday at 4pm (SECN): Jr. RHP Walker Buehler (2-0, 2.55 ERA) vs. Jr. LHP Drake "Hate the Drake" Owenby (1-3, 2.20 ERA)
Sunday at 2:30pm (SECN): RS Fr. RHP Jordan Sheffield (3-0, 2.27 ERA) vs. So. RHP Hunter "Gatherer" Martin (1-0, 2.16 ERA)
*Feel free to post more THOSE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED jokes in the comments.