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Oops I did it again. Also, VU04 made me.

"Ooooh!" - Ozzie Smith, Homer at the Bat
"Ooooh!" - Ozzie Smith, Homer at the Bat

If you watched the CWS Super Regionals last year, you were treated to ESPN's endless repartee over how gosh dern smart Stanford's baseball team was.  One of their players had to take a PHSYICS TEST that weekend!  AND THEY MADE HIM, EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ON THE ROAD!!!  (No commentary on having someone associated with the baseball program proctor, monitor, and handle the test before, during, and afterwards, though.) Needless to say, the ESPN analysts, caught up in the usual meaningless blathering that can only be mustered by a broadcast journalist, couldn't be asked to learn anything about either school.  Again.  The words "physics test" were mentioned no less than 1,393,484 times during game two of said super regional, driving me, and all who watched, to insanity.  The result was a baseball "physics test" to get us ready for Omaha.

Just for the record, question 1 of that physics test was how much velocity had to be imparted to the ball to just leave the park.  Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

...and so here we are with an NIT game in the balance, against Stanford.  My duty is clear.  Unfortunately, I have neither the flux capacitor nor the patience to write up 10 more questions tonight AND solutions.  So here is an Anchor of Gold "physics quiz," with no guarantee the problems are even solvable.

That's just how I roll.  I'm a man who plays by his own rules - the rules of physics.  Also, largely the rules of laziness, but technically, even those rules are in the purview of physics.  And technically correct is the best type of correct.  #smug.

Question 1:

Basketball players often have the appearance of "floating" when dunking.  This is because of the time spent near the top of their jump as opposed to the take-off/landing.  Find the ratio of time spent in the top half of the jump to the bottom half for a 6'4" 210lb guard traveling at 18 mph.  Assume gravity is constant.  Other things that don't matter and are only in here because this is a physics quiz and the only thing that gives physics profs one moment of happiness is fucking with you.  The coefficient of friction during said happiness is Mu.

Question 2:

A Stanford player weighing 220 lbs runs down at a pace of 0.19 m/s and runs into Damian Jones, who takes the charge.  If the Stanford oaf is stationary after the collision, how fast is Damian Jones sent flying? lists Jones' weight as 248 lbs.

Question 3:

With seconds to go and down 2, Matthew Fisher-Davis charges to the 3 point arc and takes a jumper to win.  If the release point was at 9', and the ball was released with an angle of 60 degrees off the horizontal, what is the magnitude of the velocity if it just barely swishes in?  Use the following:

  • Distance to the 3 point arc to the center of the rim - 20.75'
  • Diameter of rim - 18"
  • Diameter of basketball - 9.4"
  • Height of rim over the court - 10'

Question 4:

In the press area, the section is soon flooded with a solar mass worth of tears.  They are the tears of infinite sadness, as they now must once again cover a Vanderbilt game.  Assume tears have the density of water (they don't), and determine how many gallons of tears there are.

That's it.  Put your answers in the comments, but temporarily black them out so others don't cheat.  Show your work.

Fuck Stanford.