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I just... I can't even... that is...

The only other photo of this that SBN provides is well after the sack, and makes it look like a fumble.
The only other photo of this that SBN provides is well after the sack, and makes it look like a fumble.
Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

There I was.  Like all of you, I was ready for another season of proving everyone wrong.  Vanderbilt could be someone!  We could have a team of athletic AND academic success.  I literally had my computer on the floor, connected to my new PVR, all to bring the loyal readers of AoG this new feature.  I saw it wonderfully in my mind.  We would talk about a few busted plays, a few great ones, and comment on what worked and what didn't.  We could pretend to have a clue what we were talking about when we talked about missed coverages and if only the Ted back picked up that guard better, the Mike would have had clear path to get through to sack the QB on that third and long.  It would be glorious.

Hell, I even practiced cutting clips!

Then...well you know what happened.  I've been through plenty of Vanderbilt football games.  I've seen us get housed before, but this, this was something different.  This was a nationally televised game where we looked like schoolchildren playing a game of men.  I even stopped taking notes halfway through the third because it became clear that I was going to have to just post the whole damned game. However, as VU04 intimated during the baseball season, we had an agreement.  I am a man who honors his business arrangements.

One thing I really want y'all to take away this weekend is that our defense actually looked good.  I realize given how many points were let up that sounds counter-intuitive.  Keep in mind they were asked to defend against 6 turnovers (the 7th I'll get to in a moment).  They were forced to go out time after time after time, with no rest.  The offense consistently gave them no time to rest at all.  You simply cannot ask your defense to do what they were asked last night.

I'm going to be further optimistic and tell you that I really liked how the 3-4 was looking for us.  It's going to be a work in progress, it always is.  They certainly had their mistakes, no doubt.  That said, I can very much see a lot of potential in the defense, who I'm going to go ahead and assert actually looked stronger than I expected them to.  If we turn the ball over less, we're still not performing where we should be.  I admit that.  That said, the defense really is the last on my shit list.

The biggest guy on my shitlist is whoever is in charge of reviews last night.  As a peace offering to y'all for not providing you with fanastic play analysis, here's that "fumble" again.  I still say he was down.  Feel free to play it a million times yourselves and complain down below.  I disabled comments on YouTube because if you're going to comment, comment here, jerks. I'd also like to inform y'all the reason for the format you're seeing is because Verizon doesn't think you deserve the HD feed of SEC Network if you're outside Texas/Florida.  Clearly, I'm a just a country bumpkin...

WARNING: IRRATIONAL HOMERISM AHEAD: This call really just was the dagger.  Rivers was moving the ball well, and it looked like, for a moment, we'd get a tie game going into the half.  The team would have had a renewed sense of pride, and maybe this game could have been salvaged.  It's entirely possible that this play took all hope away from the team.

That said, we played terribly.  There's no excuses for this one ladies and gents.  We got destroyed and we just have to hope we're better prepared for Mississippi a week from now.  I promise y'all, no matter how that game goes down, volume 2 will be a proper review.

Disclaimer: Talkin' Tape will be a recurring feature on Anchor of Gold throughout the football season.  In it, he will attempt to pretend to know what he's talking about in terms of football strategy.  He plans to review no less than 4 plays each week to talk about things that went right and wrong (although not this week, yikes).  No sane individual should take anything he says seriously.  After all, he loves all six Rocky movies, yes, even the one with Tommy Gun.