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Walker Chokes Out 'Eaters: Vandy wins 6-4!!!

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Just read the damned article.

Walker Buehler, American Hero.
Walker Buehler, American Hero.

After the offense staked him to a 2-0 lead in the first, Beede flipped a coin.  It landed on "Bad Beede," but despite the enormity of the situation, he didn't tell Coach Corbin.  He then proceeded to hit everyone.

Everyone.

After giving up 4 runs, Corbin said, "Fuck it, I'm leaving him in," and Beede attempted to hit all the UC Irvine batters in the face, but they just wouldn't let him, and continually ran themselves out of innings.

In the 4th, with two outs and the game threatening to get completely out of hand, Corbin finally listened to the collective freak-out of the fan base and put in an American hero.  Walker Buehler then proceeded to rip out UC Irvine's throats like Dalton in Road House, if Road House was just a series of throat ripping scenes on loop (like I suggested at the time) for 5 and 1/3 innings of consistent no hit throat-ripping glory.

Taylor Sparks?  Throat rip.

Connor Spencer?  Throat rip.

The rest of the touring theatre group from the musical version of Super Troopers?  Throat rip.

Speaking of the Vermont Highway Patrol, Evan Brock (seen here chugging syrup):

76afbis_medium

...was pretty darn tough.  However, with all those throat rips, even Thorny got scared, and had to be taken out of the game.

Well, not taken out of the game so much as Dansby Swanson, Bryan Reynolds, and Johnny Norwood ripped his throat out.

Speaking of Dansby Swanson, he straight up went 3-5 with 2 doubles and a walk, as he is all that is man.

I'm not going to have anything else productive to say because WOOOOOOOO!!!!!  WE'RE 2-0 IN OMAHA!!!  SEE YOU FRIDAY, TIRED ARMS OF THE TEXAS LONG-FEDORAS OR MOUSTACHIOED HIGHWAYMEN OF UC IRVINE!!!  WE ONLY NEED ONE MORE WIN TO BE IN THE GOD DAMNED FINALS!!!

Ahem.  Here was tonight's game in its entirety: