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Parents Night: What Would You Ask Our Coaches?

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In which a writer/educator/Vandy fan fights to make a convoluted analogy in the hour break he has between advisory meetings with parents, and then solicits the opinions of the commentariat during their lunch hour.

Derek Mason, facing a room full of displeased parents.
Derek Mason, facing a room full of displeased parents.
Mark Zerof-USA TODAY Sports

Last night was "Parents Night" at my school.  Largely, it was a success. Got a lot of "I'm so glad you're here" and "My son/daughter just loves you!"  (Not sure why they couldn't remember the gender of their child, but that's on them, really, so I won't address it further.)  No negative feedback, whatsoever. However, there was one guy who looked like he wanted to punch me. He didn't say anything, and it very well might have been that he was just having a bad day, but he had the look of a guy staring me down because I had slept with his wife.

This got me thinking: If fans were allowed to have a "Parents Night" of sorts, in which we got a few minutes to meet with the coaches individually, what would we ask, and how would we comport ourselves?

On a personal level, I'd have largely "What are your plans moving forward" type questions for Coach Mason.  I'd want to see that there was a clear plan of action with numerical steps, clearly defined, to get us where we need to be.  I'd want to know the scheme he wants to employ, what type of athletes we'll have to recruit to fit the scheme, does he feel the scheme fits with whom we've currently got on campus... things like that.  I'd be congenial.  I'd let him know our "sons" are not performing as we believe them to be capable, but I'd let him explain his philosophy, plan of action, and as long as he was honest with me, I'd shake his hand on the way out.

Seated in Coach Dorrell's classroom, I'd be the guy seething with rage, staring daggers through his eyes.  I imagine there would be a throbbing forehead vein of some sort.  Possibly rage-sweat.  I'd be poring over the syllabus, wrathfully correcting every grammatical error, and writing incensed notes in the marginalia - especially on the section marked "Teaching Philosophy."

I'd tell Bankins, "We're all so glad you're here!"

So... at this season's quarter point, what questions are you asking the individual members of our coaching staff?  Are you smiling, sternly reminding him of your son's potential and subtly demanding progress, or are you seething with rage, mustering up all the energy you have not to punch him right in his face?

Explain in the comments below.