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In a flagrant act of journalism, we here at Anchor of Gold went out and got an exclusive look at former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino's phone records...you know, for the good of the SEC. Everyone's favorite contract breaking coach has been the talk of the sports world after crashing his motorcycle while riding with an engaged woman that he was in the midst of an undocumented affair with and whom he (potentially likely unethically) hired to his staff and gave $20k to.
In case that last sentence gave you any reason to question whether or not Petrino half-asses things, recent records show that he also used his job-assigned phone to send over 4,300 text messages to his (alleged?) mistress. How is this relevant to Vandy? Well, the good coach also sent 84 texts in five hours to his paramour Jessica Dorell in the Friday leading up to the Razorbacks' game at Vanderbilt.
According to our records, like any other man in Nashville who has ever sent 84 texts to a woman in five hours, he was drunk as hell while visiting the downtown area. We've obtained those texts, as well as the texts Petrino sent from the sideline of his team's come-from-behind 31-28 victory the next day. To honor the privacy of Ms. Dorell, her responses have been redacted from the entry.
Bobby Petrino 10/28/11, 12:21 PM: (1 of 2) Well, *JessBear* we'd be honored to have you at Arkansas, a tradition steeped in history and integrity. I promise you son, it'll be you and me in this for the long haul as we build a dynasty here.
BP: (2 of 2) We are not just playing football, but creating a legacy for our university, our students, our fans, *JessBear*. It is my honor and duty to bring the best players to Arkansas and to lead them by example. Together, we can bring a national title home to Fayetteville.
BP: lol jk goddam iphone auto template
BP: wrong person sry
BP: did u get those pics i send u?
BP: missn u in ca$hville
BP 10/28/11, 1:13 PM: got biz with the Titans 2day. Bud Adams lookn for ways to excite the fanbase. Told him to bring in the P-Train and watch the $$$ flow in.
BP: yea he brought up ATL but i tole him about how WACK that town was and he was all about it.
BP: yea, ill just leave a note or something in Arkansas if it happens. u can come w me i swear!
BP: lol we'll ride out 2gether. just u and me and some enricky iglesias on the radio...
BP: just stopped by Munchak's office. dropped 1 on his desk chair to show him im alpha
BP: no, i ate a crayon today so he'll kno 4 sure that it wasn't leigh steinberg
BP: ok ur right maybe that wasnt enough.
BP: (no text, just dick pic sent to Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich).
BP: ok bby, back 2 work for a lil.
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BP 10/28/11, 3:45 PM: u there?
BP 10/28/11, 3:46 PM: sweety u there?
BP 10/28/11, 3:48 PM: jes u there?
BP 10/28/11, 3:48 PM: where r u?
BP 10/28/11, 3:49 PM: jess wtf???
BP 10/28/11, 3:50 PM: jessica u cant do this to me
BP 10/28/11, 3:53 PM: JESSBEAR I SWEAR TO GOD
BP 10/28/11, 3:53 PM: i sware to god if you dont answer me im gonna cut myself
BP 10/28/11, 3:53 PM: bb please
(response redacted, 10/28/11, 3:54 PM)
BP 10/28/11, 4:28 PM: oh hey. just going to walkthrough ttyl.
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BP 10/28/11, 6:46 PM: good walkthrough. players at hotel. now its bobby-time. which affliction shirt shud i wear???
BP: skulls and roses.
BP: can't find a bar that has hpnotiq out here. sent a kid out to get me sum but he said my smile reminded him of a melting pedofile snowman so i dont think hes coming back
BP: had to settle with malibu :(
BP: jager jager jager jager jager jager jager jager jager jager jjgare jgare jgaer jager jager jager jgare jager ;0) 8) :)
BP: hey grantham, wats the best way to to piss off james franklin? i hear just looking at him weird makes him hyperventalate lol cant spell that word
BP: oops wrong person sry
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BP 10/28/11, 7:55 PM : just told UA about the Titans
BP 10/28/11, 8:03 PM: lol they promised to build me a spaceship if i stayd
BP 10/28/11, 8:04 PM: i tole them it better be a milenium falcon no space shuttle bullshit
BP 10/28/11, 8:15 PM: lol im goin to the moon. pig sooie!
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BP 10/28/11, 11:52 PM: just housed 5 hot dogs in this alley real quick. flexed up on the vendor when he asked me for cash and ripped off my shirt. that's a straight G in Petrino cash, baby$$$$$. you take that to the bank
BP 10/28/11, 11:54 PM: (no text, just dick pic sent to Falcons' owner Arthur Blank).
BP 10/29/11, 12:13 AM: o shit tyler wilson is here. do i say anything or just pretend to ignore him and hope he doesn't see me???
BP 10/29/11, 12:26 AM: ran into tyler in the bathroom. didn't kno what 2 do so i just whipped it out and made him stare at it for like 5 mins so he knew who the alpha was.
BP 10/29/11, 12:27 AM: super awkward for the guys in line tho.
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BP 10/29/11, 12:44 AM: lol LMFAO best band ever
BP 10/29/11, 12:45 AM u think a ponzi scheme is tough to pull off?
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BP 10/29/11, 1:06 AM: o shit this 1 kid is just PASSED OUT at the bar here. should i help him?
BP: haha i took his wallet. had a vandy ID. petrino 1, nerd school 0.
BP: $16!!! time 4 cosmos!
BP: babe im drunj
BP: lol sure i can get u a job
BP: lol no you dont need football experience when ur on the P-train
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BP 10/29/11, 2:36 AM: tod mcshay just called me about adams and wright, i tole him to eat my balls lol LIKE MR T!!!
BP: but seriously fuk that guy.
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BP 10/29/11, 12:05 PM: o god. coaching with a hangover is my worst tradition.
BP: hate it when players hear me puke pregame.
BP: fuck, forgot to write out plays for today. just gonna pick at random.
BP. fuck. FUCK.
BP: just gonna let tyler throw it until his arm falls off.
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BP 10/29/11, 1:41 PM: babe, are we really loosing 21-7? tell me im pretty.
BP: its like these kids dont even know that they r riding the p-train right now. im bobby fukin petrino COME ON
BP: just hyped up the defense by telling them to concuss as many players as possible.
BP: o shit it worked! SUCCESS!
BP: o shit that kid passed out at graham central last nite is Vandy's kicker. he looks PISSED.
BP: (no text, just dick pic sent to USC coach Lane Kiffin. Kiffin responds in turn 15 seconds later).
BP: vandy kid missed his kick but then stared over here for like 15 minutes str8 and now i'm crying blood. call doctor.
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BP 10/29/11, 4:19 PM: ok babe, headed home. cant wait to see u and the kids
BP 10/29/11, 4:21 PM: o shit wrong text lol