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Schadenfraude Fridays: The Las Vegas Posse

Las Vegas's first attempt at legitimate sport went horribly, awesomely, horribly wrong. via www.telusplanet.net

Las Vegas's first attempt at legitimate sport went horribly, awesomely, horribly wrong. via www.telusplanet.net

To help Commodores across the nation deal with the pain of fresh losses and the lingering memories of historic ones, we're instituting a new feature; Schadenfraude Fridays. The aim here is to comfort Vanderbilt's faithful by presenting train wrecks even worse than the past 35 years of Commodore football. Schadenfraude is pleasure taken from the suffering of others - and since this year's football season holds all the promise of a thousand awkward prom nights, the joy of watching others fail may be one of the few highlights of 2010. These don't necessarily have to be football related or even sports related - just something so spectacularly terrible that it makes Vandy fans a little bit happier to be cheering for their lovable group of three-star recruits with high GPAs and even higher 40 yard dash times.

I have never seen my favorite football team play. Few ever have. Like a fart in the breeze, the Las Vegas Posse left a bad taste in everyone's mouths and vanished into the air, never to be seen again after one gloriously awful season. Instead, they were retired to the rafters with other teams like the Birmingham Bolts, Memphis Showboats, and The Hawaiians in the annals of failed football expansion in the United States. However, what sets them apart is a commitment to terrible planning that makes the XFL look like a well oiled machine. 

The Las Vegas Posse were a product of the Canadian Football League's misguided expansion into the American marketplace. The CFL, after seeing the success of Canadian products like poutine and boxla in the states, jumped at the opportunity to bring another failure to their southern neighbors. In this respect, they triumphed proudly. The CFL USA began with modest success in 1993 and had flamed out by 1996. Teams like the Sacramento Gold Miners, Shreveport Pirates, and Birmingham Barracudas had forgettable tenures, but one rose above the ashes to suck more than any other team had before them. They were an embarrassment. They were awful. They were the Posse.

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Schadenfraude Fridays: Action Park

Pictured: A very loose understanding of physics, building skills, and the human body's tolerance for pain
via www.d00dj00sux0r.com

Pictured: A very loose understanding of physics, building skills, and the human body's tolerance for pain via www.d00dj00sux0r.com

The start of SEC media days unofficially kicked off college football season, traditionally three months of despair in the lives of Vanderbilt fans. 2010 will be another tough year; the best coach the school has seen in the modern era got so frustrated with the game that he quit the sport entirely. More depressing? The fact that the best coach Vandy has had in 40 years posted exactly one winning season (7-6 in 2008). And while new coach Robbie Caldwell has shown he's got the chops to handle the media, major questions continue to swirl about what he can do to this team on the field.

So, to help Commodores across the nation deal with the pain of fresh losses and the lingering memories of historic ones, we're instituting a new feature; Schadenfraude Fridays. The aim here is to comfort Vanderbilt's faithful by presenting train wrecks even worse than the past 35 years of Commodore football. Schadenfraude is pleasure taken from the suffering of others - and since this year's football season holds all the promise of a thousand awkward prom nights, the joy of watching others fail may be one of the few highlights of 2010. These don't necessarily have to be football related or even sports related - just something so spectacularly terrible that it makes Vandy fans a little bit happier to be cheering for their lovable group of three-star recruits with high GPAs and even higher 40 yard dash times.

This week's failure spans across the lines of terrible into awesomeness, and immediately veers into a world of terror and disappointment upon closer review. Readers who grew up in New Jersey during the 80s and early 90s will no doubt recognize it as a rite of passage, and those fortunate enough to experience it will no doubt have a wealth of amazing stories related to the terrible and occasionally amazing things that happened inside its gates. Today we look at Action Park, New Jersey's most badass, haphazard, poorly-planned, and awesome theme park.

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Schadenfraude Fridays: The Ryugyong Hotel

Oh man. Kim Jong-Il is going to be so pissed when he reads this. via i.telegraph.co.uk

Oh man. Kim Jong-Il is going to be so pissed when he reads this. via i.telegraph.co.uk

The start of SEC media days unofficially kicked off college football season, traditionally three months of despair in the lives of Vanderbilt fans. 2010 will be another tough year; the best coach the school has seen in the modern era got so frustrated with the game that he quit the sport entirely. More depressing? The fact that the best coach Vandy has had in 40 years posted exactly one winning season (7-6 in 2008). And while new coach Robbie Caldwell has shown he's got the chops to handle the media, major questions continue to swirl about what he can do to this team on the field.

So, to help Commodores across the nation deal with the pain of fresh losses and the lingering memories of historic ones, we're instituting a new feature; Schadenfraude Fridays. The aim here is to comfort Vanderbilt's faithful by presenting train wrecks even worse than the past 35 years of Commodore football. Schadenfraude is pleasure taken from the suffering of others - and since this year's football season holds all the promise of a thousand awkward prom nights, the joy of watching others fail may be one of the few highlights of 2010. These don't necessarily have to be football related or even sports related - just something so spectacularly terrible that it makes Vandy fans a little bit happier to be cheering for their lovable group of three-star recruits with high GPAs and even higher 40 yard dash times.

In our continuing interest in the failures of others, let’s step outside the realm of sports, democracy, and common sense for a while. If you’ve lived in Pyongyang, North Korea in the past two decades (and it’s safe to assume that you probably haven’t, seeing as free press isn’t a priority there – and the estimated readership of this blog hovers around 2-3 people a month in Asia) you’ve no doubt felt a sinister presence casting a shadow down upon you. Beyond Kim Jong-Il’s militant grip, you’ve been forced to live with the presence of the world’s greatest architectural failure for nearly 20 years.
Ryugyong-hotel-lg_medium

The Ryugyong Hotel: because the name "Mount Doom" was already trademarked. via www.esquire.com

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Off Topic: The Terrible Items at the NCAA Vanderbilt Online Shop

While searching for scoring updates on Sunday's Vanderbilt/Duke NCAA Tournament game (a heartbreaking loss? How new and original for Vanderbilt!), I accidentally got sucked in to NCAA.com's online store for Vanderbilt apparel. While the initial draw of a home gold Jermaine Beal jersey (only $59.99!) got me browsing, the original intrigue soon devolved into confusion as I scrolled through pages of what I can only assume is some of the worst selling gear the NCAA offers.

You can't fault the NCAA for their wide range of selections, but some of their ideas come from the vault of failed Christmas nightmares. Even the good stuff is overpriced, but it's the awful things that are truly a waste of money. Below are the Vanderbilt items that no fan should ever order. You'll be able to find them at T.J. Maxx in a few months anyway...

Vanderbilt Commodores #17 Black Game Day Football Jersey

Price: $49.95

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Oh, excellent. I was hoping I could still get a D.J. Moore jersey in a style that the team has never, ever worn. This particular jersey is perfect for the asshole who wants to make it absolutely clear that he went to Vanderbilt but still wants you to know that he's never actually watched a football game. The "Vanderbilt" nameplate is an especially nice touch so people don't just assume that you robbed some middle school's athletic department.

Vanderbilt Commodores Mascot Plush Slippers

Price: $24.95

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"Terrify children and adults alike by wearing the skinned carcass of our already creepy mascot on your feet! Despite being brutally beheaded, Mr. C smiles through every step."

Vanderbilt Commodores Ash Always In Season T-shirt

Price: $16.95

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Oh, God no. The good thing about football season in Nashville is that it mercifully ends sometime around Vanderbilt's 30th turnover and fourth heartbreaking loss. Part of the excitement of the stretch run in November is that it's giving way to basketball season, where the Commodores are actually, you know, good. Neither the fragile psyche nor the swollen livers of Vandy fans could take a year-round football season. Whoever wears this shirt next season is getting struck.

Vanderbilt Commodores Infant Black Start 'Em Young T-shirt

Price: $12.95

 

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That's right, get your children on track for a lifetime of sports-related disappointments at a young age! If they know nothing but failure, they'll appreciate a 4-8 football season! This child's t-shirt comes with flash cards labeled "APR," "Graduation Rates," and "Recruiting Standards."

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Seeing Gus Johnson Cry in Person: A Look Back at Strikeforce: Nashville

Poor quality photo courtesy of yours truly. In reality, Shields and Henderson did not fight in a poorly lit cave.

Poor quality photo courtesy of yours truly. In reality, Shields and Henderson did not fight in a poorly lit cave.

Yes, I know, this post is two weeks late. And yes, I understand that MMA has nothing to do with Vanderbilt, a school that doesn't even have a wrestling team. Regardless, I felt I owed it to all six regular readers of Anchor of Gold to recap Nashville's second major mixed martial events in 13 months.

The assignment was an easy one. I got my tickets through the Strikeforce pre-sale in case of a sellout and waited two months for the opportunity to return to Nashville and watch grown men do their damnedest to remove one another from their own senses. Come April 17th, I would be watching three title fights involving five elite fighters; guys with badass nicknames like "King Mo" or "El Nino" or..."The Dreamcatcher." Make no mistake, the headliners in Nashville were the best of the best...outside of the UFC.

For the uninitiated, the UFC is the world's premiere mixed martial arts organization. Many of you may remember it from its inception, which got the sport branded as "human cockfighting" near the turn of the millennium. However, once the New Jersey Athletic Commission put together a set of unified rules for the sport, the transformation from spectacle to sport began. Gone were groin strikes, soccer kicks to the head of a downed opponent, and head butts and in their place skill rose above savagery. Soon after, elite athletes made their way to the sport, phasing out one dimensional barbarians like Tank Abbott and replacing them with men who knew a way to kick your ass or submit you from any position and who could look good doing it over three five minute rounds.

As the sport's popularity grew, the UFC grew with it, spurred by new owners and president/mouthpiece Dana White. Soon, the organization became the face of mixed martial arts and crushed its competition both domestically and worldwide. However, Strikeforce emerged in 2009 to challenge for some of the UFC's market with the signing of big stars like Fedor Emelianko and Dan Henderson and through merging with Japan's DREAM organization to create the largest cache of talent outside the UFC. As a result, though the UFC has a strong chokehold on the world's top talent, approximately 20-30% of the elite fighters find their way to other promotions, with Strikeforce being the next best thing. And, on April 17th, Tennesseans were privy to watch five fighters ranked in the top ten of their divisions go to work in Strikeforce's hexagonal cage.

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(Slightly Less) Insane Vanderbilt-Related Nashville MMA Rumor - Update (x3)

Will James Toney be fighting at "Vanderbilt Arena" in April? More importantly, can Jack's BBQ have 75 pounds of pork shoulder delivered before then?

Will James Toney be fighting at "Vanderbilt Arena" in April? More importantly, can Jack's BBQ have 75 pounds of pork shoulder delivered before then?

Update #3:

Bad news everybody - no Kimbo on campus in Nashville. :(

from Dave Meltzer

UFC just sent a release confirming Kimbo Slice vs. Matt Mitrione for 5/8 in Montreal.  The match had been on the schedule for that night for some time.  There had been serious talk of making a change in plans and having Slice, the most proven television drawing card in the sport, headline on 4/17 head-to-head with the Strikeforce show on CBS.

Still no updates as far as location, headliner, or whether or not the card will actually exist.

Update #2:

It looks like there will definitely be a UFC card April 17, and it may be in Nashville - but according to Dave Meltzer, Memorial Gym is one of two possibilities. Additionally, the Toney/Kimbo fight might not take place, but Kimbo vs. former NFL player Matt Mitrione or Wanderlei Silva vs. Yoshihiro Akiyama could be the headliner instead.

No site has been confirmed for the UFC show, although it is known at least two locations are under consideration in the state of Tennessee, including Nashville’s Vanderbilt University.

Update #1:

Sherdog - a very solid and accurate source in the world of MMA - is reporting the venue as Memorial Gym, but that no application for a permit to hold an event has been filed. In other words, no one really knows for certain what's going on.

The venue for the proposed UFC event has not been settled upon, though speculation centers on Vanderbilt University’s Memorial Gymnasium in Nashville. Tennessee Athletic Commission Executive Director Jeff Mullen told Sherdog.com the UFC had not yet applied for a permit.

"I have not received an event permit for a UFC event," Mullen said. "I’d have to research this to make sure we can adequately regulate two events of this size [on the same night]."

Original:

Direct from the Underground:

[From Carmichael Dave]

 Rumor:

James Toney will make his MMA debut April 17th against Kimbo Slice at Vanderbilt Arena in Tennessee. Mike Swick will fight Matt Serra in the main event.

The fight would air on Spike TV, according to the rumor.

With the Strikeforce card happening the same night, in the same state, this constitutes the first real nuclear bomb that Dana White and Zuffa would drop on their organization, should it be true.

I had Yahoo's Kevin Iole on my radio show just a few minutes ago, and asked him about the rumor. His response: "I think you hit a home run with that one, that's what I've been hearing."

Well, something here seems a bit, well, odd. The Underground is a well known MMA community, where fighters and key members of the media share information, and Carmichael Dave is a reputable source who makes sure to state that this is just a rumor, but still, this one is tough to understand. Several things fail to make sense:

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The Most Important Part of Gameday

Gentlemen (I can't conceive that any females read Anchor of Gold. I could be wrong. I'm not) - 

It's gameday. Most important part of gameday: Pregame meal. 

Breakfast Today: 

Two (2) Jack in the Box Spicy Chicken Biscuits

One (1) Cup of Coffee with two (2) shots of Jack Daniels

One (1) glass of Jack Daniels with ice. 

Go Dores. 

3 comments |

2009 Anchor of Gold Statistical Roundup

The Oppressive Management at SBNation has distributed statistics to all the 232 member blogs.

CONGRATULATIONS ON MAKING 2009 THE BEST YEAR EVER FOR ANCHOR OF GOLD!

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that with everyone's help, 2010 will shatter all the Anchor of Gold statistical records.

[Take this as a sign from above to go ahead and join the community if you already haven't and to start voicing your opinions, from comments and recommendations to FanPosts and FanShots. Your participation makes Anchor of Gold better!]

The Anchor of Gold went live sometime in mid-to-late November (I could easily search to find out, but I'm being rather lazy). So while this is only a month-plus of data, this is just the beginning.

 

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