...to his bedroom to rest after a long day of coaching the Vanderbilt baseball team to a 6-3 victory over the South Cackalacky Game Penises, and their ace Clarke "Schmitt's Gay" Schmidt.
Happy April Fools, you gullible bastards!
Click to read the much better conceived and written April Fools article from last year: "Corbin's Keys to Success: Follow the Tenets of LaVeyan Satanism."