You Didn't See Nothing. -- via Simpsons Wiki
- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.
"We regret to say that Col. David Crockett and his companion Mr. Benton, also the [sic] Col. Bonham of South Carolina, were of the number who cried for quarter but were told there was no mercy for them."
- New Orleans True American of March 29, 1836
"No jury on Earth is going to convict a baby.... maybe Texas."
- Clancy Wiggum, Commissioner, S.P.D.
Column VIII, Week IX: "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing"
Vanderbilt (26-8; SEC 6-6; Home 19-4) #7 USA TODAY, #11 Baseball America
Texas A&M (20-4; SEC 5-7; Away 3-7) Unranked
Like Davy Crockett at the Alamo, our beloved baseball commentator very well may have surrendered. I received a late night telegram from Andrew VU '04 that he would be unable to give us a proper series preview for this weekend's series where the 'Dores host the Aggies of Texas A&M. Frankly, I think that despite his statements to the contrary, he has let Louisiana beguile with its siren song of a land where his children may roam wild and free. After all, as the saying goes, 'let your children run wild and free'.
So here we are, with me having to fill-in for him, with the promise that he'll fill in for me come my turn during football season. Really though, I don't watch nearly as much college baseball as he does, so I cannot hope to provide the kind of preview that he does. I'm much more suited for things like demanding to know why the flanker didn't cut over the middle when there was literally no LBs anywhere to be seen. My college baseball rages are largely confined to "grumble grumble". Consider this a temporary punishment for not commenting enough on his excellent columns.
Anyway, Vandy goes into this weekend after a weekend series in K'town that made us knock over the Sunsphere, and a game we shouldn't have had to come back to win against Indiana State. The team has yet to sweep a SEC opponent, and that looks to be a trend that will continue as Aggie shares Vanderbilt's strength - fantastic pitching. In fact, while Vandy boasts the best K/9 in the SEC with 9.2, Aggie is third with 8.2 (Source). So get ready for this series to be about pitching.
I have no feeling for how Aggie will travel for this game, but those of you at Hawkins this weekend, above all else, realize that Aggies are basically Texas versions of New Yorkers. By that, I mean that they have a planet-sized ego; moreover, they will to defend, to the death if necessary, strange traditions. One may argue that there's a difference between performing a Jersey Slide across the Cross-Bronx Expressway at 70 mph and squeezing your testicles on national television while in phalanx formation around a dog, but I'll leave that question to the philosophers.
The point here is, there's baseball games this weekend between us and Aggie. In the end, there's always bourbon.
Again, I've not gotten into the season enough to make solid predictions, but thanks to VUcommodores, I at least can show you the matchups.
Sunday: RHP Tyler Ferguson (5-1, 2.25) vs. RHP Grayson Long (3-1, 2.49)
Bourbon for the Series: Woodford Reserve
Woodford Reserve fans bluster over how wonderful it is, but in the end, it's just another low-mid range bourbon. Certainly better than the dregs, but why go with that when you can go with the far superior Blanton's Single Barrel nearby? I also suspect that Woodford Reserve distillery was founded by a Cow.
*Author's note: "Baseball, Bourbon, and Bad Decisions" will be a weekly column throughout the 2014 baseball season.While this column is generally much better written by writer, educator and ne-er-do-well Andrew VU '04, it has been hijacked this week by VandyTigerPhD, who's no more qualified to write anything serious about baseball than he is to make a time machine out of a toaster. The opinions rendered in this week's preview by no means represent that of any sane individual. He is a legitimate businessman, that has by no means made threats on Andrew VU '04s life if he doesn't continue this column throughout the season. That cut on his hands was from a boating accident.