Vanderbilt Football: An Open Letter to Mike Bianchi

Background: Just over a year ago, Mike Bianchi continued his SEC trollspree offensive with an attack upon Vanderbilt for having the gall to have helped form the SEC in 1932. Predictably, Mike Bianchi's cannonballs are too insignificant to affect any true damage to the Commodore Navy. At the time, I refrained from acknowledging his linkbait. Today, I have chosen to direct a surgical strike. It will have minimal casualties -- all measured responses do. The damage will be obvious.

To: Mike Bianchi, Sports Columnist for the Orlando Sentinel

Dearest Mike,

I have read your brilliant essays regarding why the SEC should attempt to remove Vanderbilt, a charter member, and replace them with Central Florida. They have been and will always be considered among the great works of the media. Perhaps my favorite of your characteristics is that you are beyond reproach with regards to the internet phenomenon known as "trolling." All great journalists are. Your reputation as a standards bearer in this regard is undeniable. Journalists are incapable of trolling, for they are not bloggers and trolling belongs only in the sub-domain of the underworld of the blog. Only Paul Finebaum exceeds your greatness in those regards.

As the SEC will now be seeking a fourteenth team to offset the imbalance provided by the assumed addition of Texas A&M, it only makes sense that the conference would now immediately jump at the opportunity to add Central Florida to the fold, especially considering it would not have to bother with the pesky issue of violating its bylaws in an attempt to remove the Commodores.

Your own credibility suggests that this is clearly the next logical step. You should expect for the school to be receiving its invitation in the mail any day now. No need to campaign any further. UCF is an SEC lock.

Please commence holding your breath until its arrival. Please.

Warmest regards,

 

Anchor of Gold, on behalf of Vanderbilt fans everywhere

PS - You are a fraudclown.

 

And an excerpt from Mr. Bianchi's work:

Can you imagine the outcry if the rest of American society was like college football and based its hierarchy on the power structure that was in place 100 years ago?

African-Americans would still be riding in the back of the bus. Women would still not be allowed to vote.

For serious.

Yes, the injustice of Vanderbilt being in the SEC instead of mighty UCF is very comparable to racism or sexism (SECism?). That is a compelling, Pulitzer-worthy argument, and very representative of the overall quality of his writing.

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