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"I can't concentrate! Stop barking like a dog, honey!"

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Having seats behind the visitor's bench affords the viewer certain luxuries that other seats in Memorial do not.  First, you are within shouting range of opposing players and coaches which, surprisingly, works more often than not. Second, it is extraordinarily exciting to get into staring contests and shouting matches with team managers who think that just because Jodie Meeks hits four threes that for some reason he is a badass.  Finally, you are able to be ridiculously close, and therefore are luckily able to experience the fast-paced action of SEC basketball.

I am going to preface the next portion of this post by stating that I am by no means a man of clean mouth, and have actually been ejected from three sporting events (2 college basketball games, one college volleyball game...yup, that's right).  But the Mississippi State game this past Wednesday provided a glimpse into only what I can describe as the eighth wonder of the world, Mrs. Rick Stansbury. My goal is not to make any personal barbs or jabs at this woman, but only to relate my experience as a fan with her three seats down from me.

Mrs. Stansbury was not vocal until tipoff, but from that point on, everyone in the gym was witness to her ridiculousity (I feel that her actions deserve a word that doesn't exist). Let me count the ways:

1.  While Vanderbilt players were shooting free throws, Mrs. Stansbury groaned and moaned just like a woman who was experiencing a......well, you get the picture.  She would also whoop like a little dog incessantly until both free throws were sunk. 

2.  She would yell at the players on the bench to start chanting defense (which they actually did like a girls' softball team for a period of five minutes) until they were too embarrassed to continue. Each player gave an expression like, "Oh god, she's telling us to chant. I guess we have to because it's coach's wife."  It was thoroughly embarrassing for MS State fans.

3.  Every time a call that was blatantly obvious was made, she would start hollering and screaming, all the while stomping her foot on the floor, and absorbing glares from MS State players.

4.  Here are things that are less annoying / frustrating than her voice:

                  a.  Dropping your deodorant into the toilet

                  b.  Getting your wallet stolen

                  c.  Bad B.O. next to you on a 3 hour flight

                  d.  Pickles on your cheeseburger when you specifically asked for no pickles

                  e.  Pink Eye

                  f.   Pets "unloading" in your house

                 g.  7-10 Splits

I think it is great that she takes their sons to away games, and it is great that they are such a close family.  I do have to commend her on the fact that she threw me off of my cheering game, but I am happy that I will have to wait a long time before that happens again. There were other MS State fans that were around her, and they consistently hung and shook their heads and treated her like she was the alcoholic uncle on Intervention who was coming over for Thanksgiving dinner.  They love her within their heart, but they can't bring themselves to show it.  In fact, they are ultimately embarrassed.

But at least she has heart and supports her husband and children.  Maybe she could tone it down just a tad?  Please?  For the sake of all that's good and pure, someone make it stop.