UT fan updates VolNation on the VU coaching search: schadenfreude ensues

by Diezba on Dec 15, 2010 12:42 PM EST in Vanderbilt Commodores Football

The last few days have been rough for us Vanderbilt fans. For a while, the Black and Gold faithful abounded with unfettered joy, because "#gusiscoming". Then he wasn't. And it was embarrassing. Deflating.

But, worry not, beleaguered Commodores! Whether James Franklin checks "yes" on the note we passed him in class yesterday (tip of the bicorne to VSL), there's light at the end of the tunnel.

When the going gets tough, the tough get snarky. And there's nothing better to snark about than fans of the State Institution of Knoxville writing about the Vanderbilt coaching search.

Today, the Tennessee Scout site has some of the worst writing I have ever seen anywhere. It's literally possible that the person who wrote it either (a) doesn't speak English as a his first language (a possibility that will make me feel bad about mocking him); or (b) graduated from the Institution in Knoxville with a major in English (zing!).

It is so bad that I decided to slog through it line-by-line for your schadenfreuding pleasure. Enjoy.

"Noticing that there is more attention being paid to the next Vanderbilt hire than the current hire made by Florida is keeping news wires hot."

Who is "noticing"? The author? Or the news wires? But the news wires are being kept hot by the "attention being paid," right? Basically this is two fragments in search of a subject. I think he was trying to say that he, the author, has been noticing the wires are hot with news about Vanderbilt, and that VU is earning more notice than Florida. I think.

"Without question finds the spotlight is on Vandy to make the right hire."

I have no idea what this means. There are two verbs here; again, there is no discernible subject.

"Pressure that was not visibly seen before now surrounds the stately campus in southwest Nashville."

It's a good thing he added the adverb "visibly," otherwise I would mistook his metaphor for "audibly seen." I agree that our gorgeous 330-acre, National Arboretum-designated campus is stately, but it sure ain't in "southwest Nashville." That'd be like Bellevue, right? We're in Midtown, bro. Call it West End (for Pete's sake, we're inside I-440: Google Map it).

"Uneasiness surrounding the Commodore athletics’ milking the SEC for annual payout’s, yet are not contributing an equal share is gaining momentum and greater notice."

Who is uneasy? The author? Commodore athletics? Also, how are we milking the SEC's annual payouts? Last time I checked, all SEC revenue -- including baseball and basketball (men's and women's) goes into the SEC pot. Hard to argue we're not contributing there (and in every other non-football sport). As for football revenue, all our games were on TV = the SEC made money on all our games. Even the one v. Eastern Michigan (!).

"It was thought that the success seen under Bobby Johnson would see a leaf turning for Vandy. The program’s tarnish was lifted enough to see how poorly the conditions surrounding football, the big money earner in the SEC’s annual payout had been neglected."

I applaud the passive voice sentence, because at least there's a discernible subject. But then we get into this leaf turning thing. Was this article written by someone with English as a second language? It has the off-key sound of a foreigner trying to use English idioms, similies, and metaphors for the first time. And doing so awkwardly.

"The ... tarnish was lifted ... to see how poorly the conditions ... had been neglected." Yes: the tarnish around your writing shows how poorly the conditions have been neglected. Of your brain?

"Johnson’s 'do more with less,' brought forth long overdue upgrades to the campus facilities. His surprising departure staggered the conference and the Commodore program immeasurably."

I think Bobby Johnson did more with more: better recruits and facilities upgrades happened under CBJ, and, of course, he took us to the 2008 Music City Bowl. As for his staggering departure, I think he meant surprising. The SOutheastern Conference was not "staggered" by the coach from from one of the bottom-four schools leaving.

"Propelled by the prophetic musings of David Climer at the Tennessean Newspaper, found the axe befall upon Robbie Caldwell after his eleventh game, in a short head coaching tenure despite his amusing humor."

Seriously: what the heck? David Climer propels NOTHING at Vanderbilt University. And there's a reason Vanderfolk refer to to the Nashville daily as the "UTennessean." "Found the axe befall upon Robbie Caldwell" sounds like some effort to imitate Middle English -- it vaguely recalls Beowulf to me.

And I'm glad Robbie's humor was amusing, rather than revolting (cf. turkeys, insemination of).

"Speaking with Dave the very next week in articulated conversation, noted the awareness that enough was not being done for dear old Dudley Field."

What is articulated conversation? I checked dictionary.com, and "articulated" means "consisting of segments held together by joints." That certainly explains Climer's musings -- along with Joe Biddle's. Who noted the awareness, by the way?

Dear old Dudley Field: indeed, it is dear to us (in a sadomasochist sort of way) and it is rather old.

"On a personal note I recalled from my own educational time spent there that more attention was paid by boosters in Green Hills to their impressive flotilla’s moored on Dale Hollow, than being good Vandy alums. It’s a fact. If it can be done at Stanford, Northwestern and at Southern California then why not dear old Vandy?"

Alums pay more for impressive flotillas on Dale Hollow Lake so as to maintain parity in the naval arms race that's threatening the peace of Middle Tennessean trade routes. Why just last week, Hendersonvillian naval forces threatened Gallatinite ships with-- okay, okay: I'll stop. But gosh, I don't want to.

There are nine more paragraphs of this article. Add your own favorite lines in the comment box.

And please, Vice Chancellor Williams: if you're reading this, hire someone soon. Otherwise, the Black and Gold family is going to go crazy.

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Comments

Much needed schadenfreude.

Well done.

Vandy beat writer Jeff Lockridge in his Blog noted that Williams could make the hire of Franklin.

Can we always capitalize Blog from this moment forward?

by doredarling on Dec 15, 2010 12:59 PM EST reply actions

I found...

Apostrophe errors: At least two, possibly three. I can’t determine the intent of “the Commodore athletics’ milking the SEC,” so I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt.

Comma errors: At least six. It’s pretty much impossible to be sure since this form of writing clearly uses some new form of independent dependent clause that has never existed in the English language. I commend you, BE Coleman, for your innovative and daring ~~slaughter~~ use of our beloved language.

Instances of poorly used pretentious diction: At least seven. I’m not counting “The musings from another…” because I’m just starting to feel bad for BE.

Surprisingly Sexist Malzahn Insult: One. Questioning Malzahn’s family values is a bold move, BE. You’re totally right. A man should totally be looking out for the best way he can provide financially for his family, even if it means uprooting them for the fourth move in five years. That’s his job after all—slaving away at work to bring home the bacon while his cute little wife cheerfully dusts and vacuums and prepares a five course dinner.

Sentences completely clear of grammatical error: One. “It’s a fact.”

Does this guy get paid? Because I could use an extra fifty bucks every now and then to fill my gas tank, and my editing services come real cheap.

by doresandhogs on Dec 15, 2010 1:49 PM EST reply actions

This deserves the Translation Party treatment

Florida is a spa that can be produced in the current rent: Vandabirutorentaru is aware of my attention.

You can find a good place to work without any problems Vandy.

Public display around the campus in the southwest of Nashville, a lot of pressure was observed.

Annual dividend of Commodore athletics, yet, SEC, in order to gain momentum around the notification, the air is contributing to the large dairy.

Bobby Johnson, so Vandy, please refer to overlooking the possibility of changing leaves. Konhiroshi program standards, SEC, the discoloration of the next dividend, Then, Rino has been released to ignore how bad check to win a full week of football.

Johnson, Harenakatsu his departure, “pleasure, please please refer to the small non-resource” was. This issue, Komodorupuroguramu Appuguredokyanpasu conference will be measured is expected to shift as the old display.

11 games in the lobby of meditation in a comfortable short head of the ax-down humor is driven by a Tennessee newspaper, Debiddokuraima Nevertheless, after his friend, Caldwell’s is located below the forecast.

Next week, Dave Daddorifirudo Takashi Seki, please do not worry too much about the past.

And an impressive fleet of my personal notes Vandy Gurinhiruzuchekku, I’d very much it must pay Deruhoro are important boosters are safe. That is true.

by parlagi on Dec 15, 2010 2:39 PM EST reply actions

I’m not sure this guy is actually a UT fan. He seems like an unpaid (yet prolific) fan blogger on CollegeFootballNews.com which is part of the Scout network, and for some reason the story got posted on Tennessee’s page. He does seem to write more UT articles than anything else, so maybe he is an orangefellow.

This is from one of the top posts on the CFN forum:

You need to fire off your views and insights, and we need bloggers. If you’re able to write intelligently, know how to use spell-check, can self-edit, aren’t annoying, and you have a specific area of interest/knowledge (the SEC, Boise State, etc.) and you want to blog for CFN, let us know. Do a quick write-up of what tickles your fancy and e-mail it to pete@collegefootallnews.com. If it doesn’t suck, we’ll talk.

So that’s probably how this burgeoning sportswriter was begotten. Apparently CFN is pretty liberally applying some of the qualifications.

Also, it sounds like he is saying he went to Vandy at some point. The sentences are hard to decipher, but this seems like one of the clearest things he said: "On a personal note I recalled from my own educational time spent there…"

The only other thing I’d have to note (except that he has many articles of similar quality on CFN) is that if this isn’t an ESL kid, this might be an Basil Marceaux situation if you know what I mean.

by The Goche on Dec 15, 2010 2:43 PM EST reply actions

At least he goes out with a bang...

Thank you for the good laugh. This article and last night’s loss to Oakland just made my evening much more fun…

by KnoxDore on Dec 15, 2010 2:50 PM EST reply actions

ENGLISH MOTHERLAWYER

DO YOU SPEAK IT???

"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52

by VandyImport on Dec 15, 2010 4:09 PM EST reply actions

Um

Your sentence making fun of the other writer’s use of English has an extra “a” in it. Might wanna fix that.

I always go first half - coffee, second half - beer, because In LA, the games start at 10:00 a.m.

by Drubaru on Dec 15, 2010 5:01 PM EST via mobile reply actions

wait.. what?

There is always going to be some poorly written articles out on the web, but even on the internet scale, this travesty takes the cake.

by Dore09 on Dec 15, 2010 8:50 PM EST reply actions

Madommon

Still the greatest thing I have ever read:

I have learn a lot of the things about Madommon thought her videos, hearing to her music and Magizines Articiles people wrote about her. Both in positives and negivites ways. They should not be a double standard for men and women. Because if they are double videos, they could be Double standard everywhere.

Anchor of Gold

by KingJamesIV on Dec 16, 2010 11:03 AM EST reply actions

Reading Comprehension...

… is apparently no longer part of a Vandy education?

I understand that making fun of UT is all Vandy fans really have going for them, since Vanderbilt has so little actual athletic success on the field. However, you really ought to make sure you know what you are talking about before you decide to go to this length to insult the education of us dumb UT graduates, because if you go to all that trouble to make fun of us, and it turns out you were completely wrong about it being a UT grad/fan who wrote it, you just look stupid.

This story originally published on CollegeFootballNews.com

Guess what? You just spent an ungodly number of words mocking the “UT fan,” yet, he actually mentions his educational experience at Vanderbilt. He’s not a UT fan, it seems that he attended Vandy. So, yeah, you went to great lengths to make yourself look kinda dumb.

Congrats! Keep talking about how the Vandy education is superior, and I will continue to point and laugh.

I agree the writing in the original article was just horrible, and the author needs to go back to school and learn how to write a complete sentence. However, just because a UT site linked to another article doesn’t make it an article by a UT grad/fan.

Brush up on your reading comprehension

by ChicagoVol on Dec 16, 2010 11:30 AM EST reply actions

You’re missing a period after comprehension.

by Dore09 on Dec 16, 2010 11:37 AM EST up reply actions

Yes, I am.

But I’m still pointing and laughing

by ChicagoVol on Dec 16, 2010 11:41 AM EST up reply actions

well done

that was actually a test to see what percentage of vol fans can read. apparently you’re the only one. Were you in the ‘honors program’ over there? Did that program include those crazy things called ‘seminars’? Congratulations, sir. Nice game against Oakland btw.

by bloggywo on Dec 16, 2010 1:59 PM EST up reply actions

It was a good game...

Even if I am disappointed with the outcome, it was a hard fought game, Oakland played hard, made the breaks when the opportunity came their way, and pulled out a great win on the road. Good for them, they deserved the win.

Keith Benson is an absolute monster, and the rest of Oakland’s team showed up when UT managed to shut him down in the second half. So yeah, 3 days after the Vols dominated the #3 team in the country, they had an emotional and mental breakdown against a very good team who had played Illinois, Michigan State and Purdue tough, and had nearly pulled out a couple of tough wins against those ranked opponents. Which would be more than Vandy has done this year. Vandy lost to the only top-25 team they have faced so far, but by all means, keep throwing rocks, glass-house dwellers…

IMHO, Oakland > Vandy

And before you think this is just me playing up Oakland because they beat us, check this out.

What’s Vandy’s excuse for the overtime loss to Mizzou? Let down from the big win over Belmont?

by ChicagoVol on Dec 16, 2010 2:30 PM EST up reply actions

Vandy also beat a then #8 ranked UNC squad, which granted doesn’t look so great now. Also, Oakland, at 6-5, got blown out by a common opponent (L by 24 for OU, L by 3 for Vandy) and lost to Wright State. If you want to really trumpet them as better than the ‘Dores because you actually believe it that’s one thing, but I think you’re just trolling now.

Keep it up.

Anchor of Gold - for all 45 Vanderbilt fans out there.

by Christian D'Andrea on Dec 16, 2010 3:33 PM EST up reply actions

A bit sensitive?

So let me get this straight:

The OP posts an article by unknown person who can’t write, and because he found it re-posted at a UT site, he makes the brilliant deduction that it’s a UT fan/grad, and devotes an absurd amount of time fisking a horrible article that any reasonable person would realize was too badly written to take seriously. In the process, he/she and several other similarly gifted folks waste no opportunity to trash the supposedly bad “UT” education.

When I point out that in fact there is no link to UT for this author, but rather that he mentions his experience in Nashville, and seems more likely that he went to to school at Vandy, I get a bunch of snark that stills attempts to demean the education I received. Despite the fact that you just spend an absurd amount of time stupidly assuming that it was a UT fan/grad that wrote it. It reflects really well on that vaunted Vandy education, huh?

Yet, I am the one who’s trolling.

In the same breath, “bloggywo” attempts to make fun of the Vols’ loss to a very good, and now well-respected Oakland squad. So I responded that it was in fact a good game between two good teams. However, as bloggywo was being such a good sport (that’s sarcasm, for those of you with a Vandy education, didn’t know if they skipped over that along with, you know, reading comprehension) about the whole thing, I got a little touchy and decided to point out that the team you support just lost their last game as well. </sad trombones>

I’m sorry, I guess that’s trolling, right?

Get over yourselves. I pointed out that you were being dumb, and pointed out exactly why. There have been no responses to the content of my original posts, only further attempts to demean my education and other non sequiturs.

But I’m trolling. Gotcha.

Lighten up, Francis.

P.S. Sorry for misspelling schadenfreude, I have fixed that now.

Schadenfreude: The only thing Vandy fans really have to comfort them when they realize that they are still fans of Vandy.

by ChicagoVol on Dec 16, 2010 4:49 PM EST up reply actions

Chill out, sweetheart. It’s not a big deal. It’s just the internet.
If this is so upsetting to you, why are you here talking about this and egging it on?

Trolling is the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet, generally on message boards.

—Urban Dictionary

Oh, right.

by doresandhogs on Dec 16, 2010 5:02 PM EST up reply actions

This is a Vandy blog.

We don’t go into your house and try to shit on your furniture. We expect the same kindness in return. I guess that was too much to ask.

I didn’t mind your first point, because you were right. Diezba was wrong. Somehow, the journalistic integrity of demeaning a poorly written article got trapped in a self-referential vortex of irony. And if we were doing this at RTT then I’d fully expect to get ripped up for this. But this isn’t RTT. Right now you’re trying to pull off a “Yankess Suck” chant in the Bronx and acting surprised when it isn’t being met with enthusiasm.

Wo wasn’t exactly the model of civility in his response. But guess what – this is a Vandy blog, and in a 50/50 spot, guess who is going to get the benefit of the doubt?

Hint: It’s not you. Enjoy your ban, dipshit.

Anchor of Gold - for all 45 Vanderbilt fans out there.

by Christian D'Andrea on Dec 16, 2010 5:04 PM EST up reply actions

BOOM: THE HAMMER

That’s right..the ban hammer.

by The Goche on Dec 16, 2010 5:07 PM EST up reply actions

What's the point of being Vandy if we can't dismiss the riffraff?

(sneers dismissively over his gin rickey)

(adjusts monocle)

(lights huge cigar with Yahoo! stock)

"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52

by VandyImport on Dec 16, 2010 5:15 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

We may be obnoxious, self-righteous and arrogant

But we have fun with it.

by The Goche on Dec 16, 2010 5:17 PM EST up reply actions

that

was awesome

by bloggywo on Dec 16, 2010 5:49 PM EST up reply actions

For the record, you weren't banned because you pointed out we were being dumb

It’s because you were a douche throughout. You’re clearly a smart guy, but also a shithead. Unfortunately, we’re already at quota for shitheads here.

I also deleted the posts in which you attempted to call out our reading/writing skills and then proceeded to spell “schadenfreude” wrong three times in a row DESPITE SPELL CHECK POINTING OUT WHEN IT IS SPELLED INCORRECTLY. Coincidentally, thinking about that is really appealing to my own schadenfreude. The only reason I’m leaving your comments up here is because our reactions shitting on you are so satisfying. Thanks for brightening up an otherwise sad day (Ben Henderson lost…to a ninja :( )

Love,

Anchor of Gold - for all 45 Vanderbilt fans out there.

by Christian D'Andrea on Dec 17, 2010 1:14 AM EST up reply actions

Hold on

So losing to Oakland (even if they are good), is a better loss than losing in OT to Mizzou because your excuse* is better?

Got it. I’ll keep that in mind.

*Just for reference, the excuse for losing to Oakland at home is that you were really tired or something from beating Pitt. Whereas we aren’t looking for an excuse for we barely lost to a Top 15 team, on the road.

by The Goche on Dec 16, 2010 4:03 PM EST up reply actions

..and VU’s game was at Mizzou, while UT lost in TBA.

by Dore09 on Dec 16, 2010 4:11 PM EST up reply actions

Good Point ChicagoVol

Great point ChicagoVol…
The University of Tennessee was given entirely too much credit by referencing this article. Please see the comment entitled Madommon for an actual excerpt from a UT student’s writing.

by goheenaholic on Dec 16, 2010 12:21 PM EST reply actions

ROOSTER!

Anchor of Gold

by KingJamesIV on Dec 16, 2010 2:48 PM EST up reply actions

AWESOME!

This, my friends, is what a flame war between in-state rivals should look like.

Special thanks to our token Vawls fans: for being such good sports, we’ll give each of you a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card, which will be redeemable for bail of < $10,000 for one varsity athlete of the State Institution of Knoxville.

Congrats!

by Diezba on Dec 16, 2010 5:16 PM EST reply actions